Regrets

I wish when I got pregnant with my son and my husband questioned whether the baby was even his that I would have ran the other direction.

I didn't think I could make it through without him and I thought my son needed his father. But the truth is I was more alone with him and he didn't help me anyway.

He has just worn me down.

The painful thing now is I have wasted 7 years of my life.

If I didn't have my children to show for it I don't know what I'd do.

But I wouldn't be in this situation either.

I wish I could just shut the door and never see him again. But that's not possible. I can't bear to look at him right now. And I certainly don't want to see his family.

I don't know how to reconcile my children's need to see their father with my need to protect them from him - and protect myself.

I told him today that there had never been a day when he reminded me more of his dad.

I am so exhausted.

I don't know how I'm going to make it through this. I feel completely depleted and worn down. I wish I could sleep for a year but my kids need me. And they need me to be strong.