The Beauty

My friend sent me a picture of us while she was here and I was disgusted with myself. I look terrible. It seems these years have really taken a toll on me. I noticed it the other day in another picture as well. The tiny lines around my eyes. I look tired. I don't look well. Or happy.

I took my children to the pool today and it was hard to find a suit that I felt good in. I never took my cover up off. It is cold today and I don't feel well but it's unlike me. I'm usually a nudist at heart.

I noticed many of the other women at the pool seemed uncomfortable with their bodies too. One wore a long skirt to her ankles to cover up big legs. Only one seemed completely comfortable. A grey haired woman in a one piece. There's something sexy about a woman who doesn't color her hair. Who is comfortable in her body. Who doesn't feel compelled to be a size zero - or even a 4 or a 6. She was laughing nearly the whole time we were there.

It is the trying to be that kills us. Our gift to the world is being ourselves. Trying to be anything else ruins the gift.

I have put so much pressure on myself to be all things. To do all things well. And I rarely stop and wonder what makes me happy.

I do get a lot of satisfaction out of my children, reading, writing, eating and cooking and being with friends. But beyond that what is there?


Sula's note: I have never had such a hard finding a picture to post. I wanted a beautiful, grey-haired, middle aged woman in a swimsuit. I could find nothing. It's almost all twenty-year-old, skinny girls. Even when I typed in "pictures of Old Woman in swimsuits", I came up with mostly young girls - plus a few grannies, plus-size models, and even a few pregnant women.

Usually this tool is very specific and I find something immediately. Seems like there is a generation of women missing in swimsuits - and its no wonder we all feel like crap in our bathing suits!