Reflection

I have been thinking about the poem posted below and I know where I have gone wrong.

I have been thinking in terms of Islam and even Christianity where you can shame someone into doing the right thing. And I know that isn't in vogue in The States but I can tell you that it does work.

And sometimes I wonder what is wrong with shame? Especially when it causes a man to do right by his family?

In my opinion my in-laws should have some shame. And so should my husband. But I'm beginning to realize they will never feel it.

I was raised in a Christian household where the man takes care of his family. (Not that I haven't seen women take care of their families financially too - but this was our arrangment.)

My first husband would have cleaned toilets to make sure we were provided for. It has been interesting reading back at my journal from my pregnancy and birth of my son. There we things my first-husband told me that were so right on. Right at the get-go.

Maybe he was older than me. Maybe he just had more world experience. But he told me when I was pregnant with my son to quit feeling sorry for myself and not to act like a Victim. Because then everyone would treat me like one. He told me if J. didn't want to marry me, he was an idiot.

He told me to raise my son by myself and cut my losses. So did my youngest sister.

For whatever reason, I chose not to.

And with news from my family from the Midwest of another family member dying of cancer, I have to say that overall, I feel like we have done the right things. We are good people. We have lived our lives the "right" way.

But it has never helped us.

I was starting to feel like I have not made any progress or changes in the last 7 years. But reading the journal has bee empowering because it has made me realize that I have made changes, and even the small ones add up.