Friday, August 31, 2012

Working Mothers

“Just as corporate American has externalized the costs of the environmental damage it causes to the poorer nations left to cope with them, so too does it externalize its labor costs through its unfair treatment of female employees…Women working full-time year-round make $0.78 for every $1.00 earned by their male counterparts; working mothers earn only $0.73, and single mothers earn only $0.60 for every $1.00 earned by a man. In one study, women’s annual earning decrease for 30 percent as a result of a period out of the workforce for two are three years (an average amount of time career-women would take off to start a family). A Cornell University study found that mothers are penalized on the job market—they are 44 percent less likely to be hired than non-mothers with equivalent qualifications.” ~ Shannon Hayes, Radical Homemakers

Why Does Money Matter?

The discussion of money is extremely important when looking at women as co-dependents. Even the word suggests something about our relationships, which I believe is based on the economic imbalances between men and women.

Until we have complete income equality, women will be dependent on men, or pay the consequenses. This results in women remaining in abusive relationships.

Certainly, men can also be co-dependents. But it is a different type of co-dependency.

Our goal as "co-dependent" women must be to heal ourselves so that we can attain economic freedom from our addicted husbands and "partners".

Thursday, August 30, 2012

"Women represent 70 percent of the 1.3 billion people in our world who live in absolute poverty. Consequently, as Joan Holmes, president of the Hunger Project, points out, any realistic efforts to change patterns of chronic hunger and poverty require changing traditions of discrimination against women." - Riane Eisler, The Real Wealth of Nations

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Always In Motion?

"If we weren't so single-minded about keeping our lives so much in motion
And could, for once, do nothing
Perhaps a great silence would interrupt this sadness
Of never understanding ourselves
And threatening ourselves with death.
Perhaps the Earth will teach us, as when everything seems dead
And later proves to be alive."

- Pablo Neruda

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Monday, August 27, 2012

Begging for Wisdom

Mavhu - 37

"The serenity prayer is my guide. I am still learning to accept the things I cannot change, asking for courage to change the things I can and begging for the wisdom to know the difference. Learning the difference is my challenge."

Order @

Sunday, August 26, 2012


“It takes endure the sharp pains of self discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.” ― Marianne Williamson

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Every Woman's Story Counts -- Including Yours

"...we have a world-shaping imbalance in our story telling. Our stories do not teach children that girls and women have independent agency and moral competence. So, why should they grow up to claim them as women or respect them in women as adults?

This is why telling girls' and women's stories is important. Every story counts.

Why does it matter? Because when girls and women are culturally dehumanized we lose our personhood and our rights are not assured, if we even had them in the first place.

When children grow up immersed in environments that don't challenge these ideas they grow up to be people who want to "beat the gay" out of their children and seriously believe that rape causes women to internally ooze contraceptives and that rapidly dividing cells has "new life trumps existing life." They grow up to believe women's dignity is defined by how they manage their wombs and that women's rights must be mediated by benevolent father figures because women are ultimately morally incompetent. They grow up to be presidential and vice presidential candidates and nominees, who "absolutely" support these ideas , but do not appear to care about about the implications for real, individual, fully developed human girls and women who don't conform to their ideals of what makes a female "good."

The only way any of these ideas persists if you teach people through stories and pictures that girls and women are sub-human abstractions and religious ideals and not autonomous, morally competent human beings with rights."

-Soraya Chemaly

Friday, August 24, 2012

Wealthy Kids

This is something I have been thinking on for many years. I really enjoyed this entire book.

“A study of affluent suburban families found that the dogged pursuit of status and material wealth beyond a $120,000-per year family income starts adversely affecting children…by the time they were in high school, wealthy kids reported greater use of cigarettes, alcohol and hard drugs than any other control group—including inner city kids. They also showed higher rates of depression and anxiety, especially girls, who were three times more likely than average teenage girls to exhibit clinically significant depression. The researchers found that isolation from adults played a major part of the problem. The demands of parents’ professional careers and kids’ excessive extra-curricular activities ate away family time and fed into the kids’ distress. Worse, the increasing patter of family members to retreat to their respective bedrooms with a television, computer and mobile phone, isolate family and community, plants the seed for the final home wrecker—individualism. ~ Shannon Hayes, Radical Homemakers

Thursday, August 23, 2012


"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean." ~Maya Angelou

"Birthquake" by Elisabeth Slettnes

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

A New Look at Recovering from Alcohol and Drug Addiction

A New Way

What if the way we’ve been dealing with addiction has some holes or even many holes? What if the old way we have been doing things can be improved or even changed?

In order to seek a new way of healing we need to look at recovery through different eyes and with a holistic view. First we need to identify the person as a unique, authentic, energetic, light being who has strayed off course from who she really is – her true self.

To take this holistic view we need to look at:
-7 Principles of Health
-Eliminating toxic residues of addiction through detoxing
-Rebalancing the energy systems
-Relapse Prevention Strategies
-Finding passion

Eliminating toxic residues of alcohol and drugs is also an important part of recovery. This is vital and can be improved upon by changing the way we view detoxing alcohol and drugs. We should take the concept of detoxing further as even months and even years later the memory of the substance and its effects are still held in the cells. Hence how many times have you heard someone relapse many years later!

When I worked with people who were striving to overcome alcohol and or drug addiction I often heard the same familiar story of the person who would bust and have no answer to why they did it. They would start out the day with no intention of busting or they would be walking down the road and out of nowhere they would have a compelling urge to have a drink that they felt powerless over. You’ve got to ask why? Could it be the old toxic memories are still on line?

While setting the goal to excrete all memory of the addiction from the cells in the body also helps clear the mind. This can be achieved through energy detoxing (EFT), steam baths, saunas, magnesium baths, colon cleansing and bentonite clay baths.

What if emphasis was also on plenty of raw fruit and vegetables. Green Smoothies are a brilliant way to get raw, whole foods in the system to replenish the body and build the body to strength again.

Nuts are also important and should be included as a regular part of the diet everyday to provide essential brain nutrition to boost brain power to optimum levels.

Water is not emphasised enough when treating alcohol and drug addiction. Three to four litres a day should be the recommended amount to drink that can assist in the removal of toxins and hydrating the body as you can bet the addict in early recovery is seriously dehydrated which can also make recovery difficult. And why make healing more difficult than what it needs to be?

Since we are energy and light beings, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is also another powerful tool to aid in energy detoxing that can assist in peeling away the layers of negative emotions which keeps the addict bound thus leading to more harmony.

Recovery is Possible

It goes without saying that people do start to feel good when they start eating better and taking part in authentic approaches. These can be done from home (not everyone can get to a long term treatment centre for many reasons) along with a support person and can have a dramatic effect in recovery. The key to long term recovery is to focus on replacing the artificial effects of feeling good through alcohol and drugs to a more authentic approach which brings out the true self; the self who is so much more than the labels ‘alcoholic, drug addict, junkie’.

The authentic self and feeling good is in truth what is craved for and the drug is the external means in which it has been artificially provided. When approaching recovery in a new holistic way can lead to purpose and meaning that brings about peace, joy and harmony that is everyone’s birthright. When we know where or how to find this is when long term recovery takes place.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The Key to our Healing

"We each have a responsibility to express ourselves. And in this expression is the key to our healing. ~Gabrielle Roth, On Women Turning Forty Painting by Elisabeth Slettnes

Sunday, August 19, 2012

I can't break myself

"I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you can love me for what I am, we shall be the happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should. I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, that I will do strongly before the sun and moon whatever only rejoices me, and the heart appoints.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Self Reliance”

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Eid Mubarak

Dear Eid:

Please bring a life of immense love and laughter to every child who’s heard more screams than dreams.

*Burma *Syria *Palestine *Afghanistan | *Ummahnity

~Mark Gonzales

Emotional and Psychological Effects of Sexual Assault

This is a list that Heart Sees put together the other day, and it seems VERY relevant to those dealing with addiction and/or codependency/addicts. Sexual assault causes harmful emotional, psychological, or physiological effects that are more severe than the effects of other crimes. These effects include: Self-blame Shame, guilt, or embarrassment Anxiety, stress, or fear Shock Impaired memory, confusion, or disorientation Anger, hostility, or aggression Sexualized behaviors Loss of sex drive or sexual dysfunction (not being able to perform sexual acts) Interpersonal problems Denial Irritability Erratic mood swings Depression or despair Social withdrawal Sexual effects (ranging from avoidance to compulsive promiscuity) Decreased energy and motivation Numbing/apathy (detachment, loss of caring) Restricted affect (reduced ability to express emotions) Disturbed sleep, insomnia, or nightmares Flashbacks or panic attacks Headaches Difficulty concentrating Diminished interest in activities Loss of self-esteem Loss of security Loss of appetite, eating problems/disorders, or gastrointestinal disturbance Substance use and abuse (alcohol and other drugs) and other compulsive behaviors Feeling powerless Feeling uncomfortable being alone OCD Self-injury, self-mutilation (cutting, burning or otherwise hurting oneself), or substance abuse Suicidal thoughts Confusion of sex with love Extreme dependency Impaired ability to judge trustworthiness of others Body memories Feelings of alienation and isolation Hyper-vigilance (always being "on your guard") Exaggerated startle response (jumpiness) Hyper-arousal (exaggerated feelings or responses to stimuli) Rewriting PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). ~Heart Sees

Friday, August 17, 2012

Making Changes

After a lot of thought, I decided to leave the private school my son has been attending for 3 years. Last year was so bad, a public school couldn't possibly be any worse.

I have been driving 2-3 hours every day to get the kids to school, and believe I can better use that time to supplement their education. We can also walk to school instead, which has been nagging on me all these years. The amount of gas we were using before was rediculous, especially when I still had my Suburban.

We have eased into a nice and quiet life in our little town, where we can walk nearly everywhere. I don't own a car anymore, and we are co-living with another family. I don't think I could have fathomed this life several years ago, but it works well for us.

I enrolled the kids in the local public school the other day. I had all these stigmas in my mind that errupted the minute I walked into the school. The kids were excited to have lockers and be able to ride their bikes to school. We happened to walk in on the principal, who was a bright and delightful woman. I felt reassured that I was making the right choice.

My ex had wanted me to register the kids in his school district, which meant that I would essentially make the same drive every single day, for his convenience a few days a week.

Several months ago, he told me he would take care of everything. Last week, I realized, again, that I can not rely on him to take care of anything. Sometimes I still hold that delusion, even after all these years.

I got a list of what was needed from our local school, and came back with everything the next day. I realized then that my ex could never provide anything on that list.

I have the birth certificates.
I have been the one taking the kids to the doctor for every appointment.
I have all the numbers memorized in my head.
I have done everything.

Last week, it became apparent to me that I couldn't leave the kids with their dad, so I didn't. He screamed and yelled at me, threatening to call the police and have me thrown in jail. My daughter overheard our conversation before I hung up the phone.

Later that day, she stated, you can't put someone in jail just for being a mom, can you?

I realized I have a tendency to stay in bad situations far too long. I should have left my marriage earlier. And the school situation started falling apart at the begining of the year. I explored other options then, but ultimately felt I had to stay. It only got worse.

The important thing is I have learned I don't have to live in situations I don't like. And I think the kids and I will both live more peaceful now.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Very Wrong

"All this was summed up in Lenore Weitzman's famous statistic from The Divorce Revolution: Women with dependent children experience a 73 percent drop in standard of living after a divorce, while their ex-husbands' living standard goes up by 42 percent. The colloquial summing up is simpler: If women have young children, they are only one man away from welfare...Yet if two homemakers were to cross the street and work for each other's husbands, they would be entitled to an eight-hour day and a forty-hour week, Social Security, disability pay, and unemployment compensation - and perhaps paid vacations, transferable health benefits, and a retirement plan (not to mention a better legal safeguard against violence, which also has economic value). Something is very wrong here." -Gloria Steinem, Moving Beyond Words, "Revaluing Economics", (220-221)

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Sunday, August 12, 2012


The logic of sending my children off for 3 weeks with a man who can't even return a Netflix movie for over 3 weeks - and continuously lies about doing so - escapes me completely. Something needs to change.

Saturday, August 11, 2012


I'm very tired of constantly hearing from my children about how much money my ex and his father has when my reality is my $998 in child support is never paid on time.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Monday, August 6, 2012

A Deeper Wisdom: Addictions, God-Makers, and the Inner Journey

"In the process of awakening, I realized that aspects of the 12 Step model weren’t working for me. I desired a non-shaming, non-hierarchical framework within which to wrestle with my habits of behavior. I rewrote the 12 Steps from an inner perspective, recognizing that my journey was an inward one. Instead of looking to another God or higher power outside of my life for salvation, I longed to return home to myself, to grow in knowledge and love of myself, to accept and trust myself. I wasn’t interested in ascending to enlightened states of being that involved the denial of the self. I was compelled to descend—to look deep within to reclaim forgotten aspects of myself. Releasing the shame of a lifetime, I reached beneath my obsession with flaws, beneath the accomplishments that masked my sense of unworthiness, beneath years of alienation from myself, toward the goodness at my center. I discovered that the good was deeply embedded within me. As I embraced my original goodness, my inner spaces were cleared out and reclaimed as my own. I found rest within my own life and now accept all of myself as worthy." ~Patricia Lynn Reilly This is available as an ebook at

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Trauma and the Twelve Steps

A Complete Guide to Enhancing Recovery - A New Book by Dr. Jamie Marich This new book just came to me today via my Girl God page, and it sounds like a very interesting read!

"Criticism of 12-step recovery is nothing new; however, 12-step programs are increasingly getting a bad rap for being too “one size fits all,” or not applicable to individuals struggling with issues beyond the scope of simple alcoholism or addiction, especially issues surrounding traumatic stress.

"Trauma and the Twelve Steps: A Complete Guide to Enhancing Recovery" takes the posture that there is nothing wrong with using 12-step recovery principles in treatment or in continuing care with individuals who are affected by trauma-related issues. However, this book also explains how rigid application of 12-step principles can do more harm than good for a traumatized person, and that learning some simple accommodations based on the latest knowledge of traumatic stress can enhance the 12-step recovery experiences for trauma survivors. Written for professionals, sponsors, and those in a position to reach out and help recovering addicts, the user-friendly language in this book will teach you how to unify the traditional knowledge of 12-step recovery with the latest findings on healing trauma. In doing so, you will be able to help others, and maybe even yourself, "work a recovery" program like never before!

"At last, someone has thoughtfully and intelligently reconciled the practical wisdom of the 12 steps with best practices for posttraumatic stress. In “Trauma and the Twelve Steps,” Jamie Marich tosses aside the rigid orthodoxies that have hampered both fields and delivers - in beautiful, eminently readable English - a coherent treatment approach that is sure to maximize sobriety and healing." -Belleruth Naparstek, Author of Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal "It's critically important for people in 12 step based-treatment to keep trauma in mind and not re-traumatize people with coercive practices like forced 4th and 5th steps or misguided ideas that addiction has nothing to do with trauma. I support these efforts, promoted in Dr. Marich’s work, to help those whose choice of recovery paths is within the 12-step framework." -Maia Szalavitz, Journalist and best-selling author of Born for Love and The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog

"This book offers much needed clarity into the psychological relationship between childhood neglect, trauma and adult addictive behavior, while serving as a reminder that no one comes into this world wanting to be a alcoholic, compulsive gambler or sex addict. Shining within Dr. Marich's words is the hope for recovery sought by all addicts and those who work to treat them." -Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S Sexual Addiction Author, Treatment Specialist and Media Expert