Too Fat

It ended up being a pretty quiet evening after all the drama. I was getting quite nervous for a bit, but I stopped responding to his texts and everything just stopped eventually.

I do need to find some better coping mechanisms because I have been gaining weight and I am very hard on myself about that. I was too skinny a year ago but now I'm not comfortable with where I am either. LOL, never good enough, right?!

I went back to You Can Heal Your Life this morning because I remember she wrote about this and it certainly fits.

I refuse to focus on excess weight or on diets. For diets do not work. The only diet that does work is a mental diet - dieting from negative thoughts. I say to clients, "Let us just put that issue to on side for the time being while we work on a few other things first."

They will often tell me they can't love themselves because they are so fat, or as one girl put it, "to round at the edges." I explain that they are fat because they don't love themselves. When we begin to love and approve of ourselves, its amazing how weight just disappears from our bodies.

As they talk, I make a list. What they say often coincides with their "should list". They feel they are too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too dumb, too old, too young, too ugly. (The most beautiful or handsome will often say this.) Or they're too late, too early, too lazy, and on and on. Notice how it is almost always "too" something. Finally we get down to the bottom line, and they say, "I am not good enough."

Hurrah, hurrah! We have finally found the central issue. They criticize themselves because they have learned to believe they "are not good enough." Clients are always amazed at how fast we have gotten to this point. Now we do not have to bother with any of the side effects such as body problems, relationship problems, money problems, or lack of creative expressions. We can put all our energy into dissolving the cause of the whole thing: "NOT LOVING THE SELF!"

-You Can Heal Your Life, Louise Hay, pp 36-37

Some people are happy with themselves however they are, but I have never been one of those people. And I can even beat myself up about that pretty good.

I need to get a handle on this though because this is one trait I don't want to pass down to my daughter.



Sula's Note: So the craziest thing just happened.

I finished the post and I was sitting here crying quietly. (My kids are still sleeping). I decided to open You Can Heal Your Life again.

I opened the very first page and there was my very favorite picture of my daughter. It was a 5x7 reprint of her looking off in the distance.

One thing that has been very healing for me is having this girl that looks just like me, who I adore and think is so beautiful. I just haven't been able to transfer that to myself all the way, yet.

But then the funny thing was that further on in the book, there were original black and white prints of our wedding pictures too. And my daughter had scribbled ALL OVER THEM!!

There was also a picture of my grandfather, who I adored - and of my dear friend Z, both of whom have passed in the last few years. Both men were very stable and loving influences in my life.

I didn't put any of these pictures in the book - and I'm not sure where my daughter would have found this particular collection.