I took a little break from the blog this morning. I had an upsetting argument with a friend and I am re-evaluating a lot of things right now.
As much as my husband has hurt me on many levels, he is still probably my best friend and the one I go to for sorting out things like this. He has been in AA for a long time and he does have some good insight as to what a healthy relationship entails, even if he doesn’t always act that way himself.
I am very conflicted about where to go from here.
I wanted to start to blog to sort through a lot of issues in my life but I don’t really feel any closer to resolving anything.
I’m just very sad about where life has taken me. It seems like most of us still follow the same path we know from our families of origin regardless of how much we try to change.
And I’m frustrated even with myself on that end. I have read so much, listened to so many lectures, gone to church/mosque, therapy, retreats, meditated, prayed, written it all down…you name it…and I am still me.
And many of my “mistakes” in life have been the same mistakes that my parents and grandparents have made.
So I suppose I should expect the same from everyone else.
I am very hard on myself. But I am also hard on everyone else. My expectations just kill me.
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