I am very tied of alcoholics tonight.
Tonight one of my dearest friends came for dinner from out of town, and to spend the night. My kids and I have been looking forward to her visit for months. She has lived over 2000 miles away for over 7 years, so I don't see her often. But we are always texting and emailing so we are very, very close.
She brought a friendship necklace for me with her tonight and I really love it. We had a lovely evening together....but a few hours in her step mom called and told her that her dad had been missing for four hours. And while I empathized with her I felt myself angry with her dad.
Why can't he just let her live her life? Why can't he let her enjoy her evening?
My husband called right after she left and I snapped at him.
He said but I'm in recovery.
Well, you weren't 3 weeks ago when you didn't come home all night long.
Or the week after when you didn't come to your daughters 3rd birthday.
So this all hits pretty close to home for me.
And I'm wondering if there's any peace in alcoholic families or if my kids will have to go look for their dad in a ditch or a hospital someday.
I told my friend how I felt and I think we understand each other. We've been friends for 22 years. I told her I was not mad at her. And I'm not. I just am frustrated that one more thing was ruined by an alocoholic.
I'm sorry for her and I'm sorry for me. Because this is just one more instance where an alcoholic has screwed up our night. And it has happened to both of us so many times.
And does he really care?
Probably not.
Finding my dad in a ditch and having to track his every move and find him another time were both insanely agonizing times in my life.
ReplyDeleteThe first time he was passed out with a 30% blood alcohol level near my childhood home. I got there after the paramedics to see a half gallon vodka bottle empty in the back seat and evidence of all the medical attention from the paramedics.
He had been gone for two days.
I had to get his car out of impoundment the next day and call his job so he wouldn't get fired, although later he did, for drinking on the job.
No one else looked for him. Everybody else shut down. I had to be strong. As usual.
The second time my dad was supposed to bring my brother P a computer down when he was going to the UofO. I was also in school,it was my senior year. I was about to graduate. He was supposed to be there at two and at seven, P called. "Dad's not here yet," he said.
I got right to work and called all the local hospitals and my roommates helped me, consoled me and and poured me tea. Finally, my roommmate Lindsay said "Have you checked the jail?" I said "no." I will never forget when she called Lane County Jail and heard her say "Do you have a S.L.?" and she said "Ok, so what are the charges?" She started to write. My heart dropped. I was humilated. I was supposed to sing in church that night. Instead I had to call my uncle to bail my dad out of jail. As usual, I was the strong one.
As a result of this and other family problems I got a bladder condition. I had to pee all the time. I peed in plastic grocery bags at night so my roomates wouldn't know, as I would have had to to flush the toilet twenty times.
Til this day when things get bad, my bladder suffers.
What have I done to have to deal with all this? When will my life finally go on?
I am so sorry. I can relate on many levels. The physical and emotional toll of living with an alcoholic is enormous. I wish there were better answers for all of us.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you both..
ReplyDeleteI've observed in one of the alcoholic families close to me that with every aging alcoholic there seems to be a young alcoholic taking their place.. Is that the norm? Just curious..
It seems to be from my experience. My husband is like 5th generation in his family (alcoholic). That's why I have tried so hard to provide a stable environment for my kids. I think there is possibly a small genetic factor, but a lot of what I see is the continuing cylce of BS and abuse that goes on in these families.
ReplyDeleteThere are some other interesting thoughts on this. I will try to post on those sometime.