I went to a ladies lunch on Thursday at the home of a good friend of mine. I was planning to just pop by, as I don't usually do a 3-hour lunch. But the time flew by and I found myself enjoying it.
I have not been around people with money for a while. Perhaps I have been avoiding it in my own way. But I do love my friend.
It's funny - when I met her, I assumed a lot about her because of the way she dressed mostly. She is completely entrenched in upscale brand names. I remember I started doing that for a while and my sister commented that I was becoming a walking advertisement.
After a year of getting to know my friend, I found there is a lot that lies beneath the surface. She is a very sweet and dear person. She has had struggles of her own that no one would ever guess at.
I think women with money have the same or more hindrances as most women. But they are expected to be a certain way - act like a lady - dress well - keep their shape - take care of all the social obligations, which will promote her husband's career. And the majority of them live up to this image, especially when they marry into money. All of these expectations take up a lot of time. All of these detract from the full creative potential and individual economic well-being of the woman.
Money protects its own. If the woman does not live up to this image created for her, there will not be a place for her - and she will not have the skills needed to go out on her own. And in most cases, she will not be able to enjoy the same lifestyle if the relationship ends. Hence, she is in her own cage - a very pretty bird with no place to go.
For years I wore a size zero and most of the women surrounding me wore a similar size. It seemed normal, expected.
I am now at a size 4 and I was easily the biggest woman there. It was a strange position to be in after being away from it. No one said anything directly, but one woman did say she didn't recognize me when she first walked in.
I am glad to have my curves back. I don't want to be a size 0 anymore. For a woman who is 5'7", that size is just plain crazy. Many of the women at that party wore a 00 size.
Being that thin was never intentional for me. I think primarily it was stress and extended breast feeding. I felt the worst I have ever felt in my life - but in those circles, everyone constantly told me how amazing I looked. My family and friends kept me sane.
The biggest question the women had for me was how it felt to be without my rings. It was the first time people have been so candid with me about this. It was a very interesting conversation and probably not one I would have in most places. All of them had large diamonds as well. They wanted to know how I felt without mine. They could not imagine taking theirs off.
I thought that was a very valid and interesting perspective. A large ring almost enslaves you to a man. And, it becomes part of who you are - as they all affirmed. In many ways, a large ring speaks for you in ways words cannot.
I explained that it was difficult for me and it was a process. This was the first time I have felt that everyone in the room knew exactly what I was talking about.
It is one thing to say that you would just throw a large diamond off your finger. It is quite another one to wear one for a long time and choose to take it off. I loved my rings. They were beautiful.
But, I explained that I now prefer my fingers without any rings on them. And that I realized my ring represented a false promise, and a false life.
People see a ring like that and they make a lot of assumptions about who you are. And even if you do have a "good" marriage, I think many of those assumptions are false. At least they were for me.
Everywhere you go, the first thing people see is the size of your ring. It detracts from who you are as a person. I finally feel like I am me.
Showing posts with label Body image. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Body image. Show all posts
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Imagine a Woman
Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is woman.
A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.
Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.
Imagine a woman who has acknowledged the past's influence on the present.
A woman who has walked through her past.
IAW Who has healed into the present.
Imagine a woman in love with her own body.
A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.
Who celebrates her body's rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.
Imagine a woman who embraces her sexuality as her own.
A woman who delights in pleasuring herself.
Who experiences her erotic sensations without shame or guilt.
Imagine a woman who honors the body of the Goddess in her changing body.
A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.
Who refuses to use her precious life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.
Imagine a woman who has access to the full range of human emotion.
A woman who expresses her feelings clearly and directly.
Who allows them to pass through her as gracefully as the breath.
Imagine a woman who tells the truth.
A woman who trusts her experience of the world and expresses it.
Who refuses to defer to the thoughts, perceptions, and responses of others.
Imagine a woman who follows her creative impulses.
A woman who produces original creations.
Who refuses to color inside someone else's lines.
Imagine a woman who names her own gods.
A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.
Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.
Imagine a woman who refuses to surrender to gods, gurus, and higher powers.
A woman who has descended into her own inner life.
Who asserts her will in harmony with its impulses and instincts.
Imagine a woman who is interested in her own life.
A woman who embraces her life as teacher, healer, and challenge.
Who is grateful for the ordinary moments of beauty and grace.
Imagine a woman who authors her own life.
A woman who trusts her inner sense of what is right for her.
Who refuses to twist her life out of shape to meet the expectations of others.
Imagine a woman who participates in her own life.
A woman who meets each challenge with creativity.
Who takes action on her own behalf with clarity and strength.
Imagine a woman who has crafted a fully formed solitude.
A woman who is available to herself.
Who chooses friends and lovers with the capacity to respect her solitude.
Imagine a woman who refuses to diminish her life so others will feel better.
A woman who brings the fullness of her years, experience, and wisdom into each relationship.
Who expects others to be blessed and challenged by her presence in their lives.
Imagine a woman who assumes equality in her relationships.
A woman who no longer believes she is inferior to men and in need of their salvation.
Who has taken her rightful place in the human community.
Imagine a woman who refuses to use her precious life-energy managing crisis and conflict.
A woman whose relationships deepen in satisfaction and contentment without depleting her.
Who chooses friends and lovers with the capacity to navigate the challenges of life.
Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.
A woman who sits in circles of women.
Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.
Imagine a woman who has relinquished the desire for intellectual safety and approval.
A woman who makes a powerful statement with every word she speaks, every action she takes.
Who asserts to herself the right to reorder the world.
Imagine a woman who has grown in knowledge and love of herself.
A woman who has vowed faithfulness to her own life and capacities.
Who remains loyal to herself. Regardless.
Imagine yourself as this woman.
by Patricia Lynn Reilly
A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.
Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.
Imagine a woman who has acknowledged the past's influence on the present.
A woman who has walked through her past.
IAW Who has healed into the present.
Imagine a woman in love with her own body.
A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.
Who celebrates her body's rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.
Imagine a woman who embraces her sexuality as her own.
A woman who delights in pleasuring herself.
Who experiences her erotic sensations without shame or guilt.
Imagine a woman who honors the body of the Goddess in her changing body.
A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.
Who refuses to use her precious life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.
Imagine a woman who has access to the full range of human emotion.
A woman who expresses her feelings clearly and directly.
Who allows them to pass through her as gracefully as the breath.
Imagine a woman who tells the truth.
A woman who trusts her experience of the world and expresses it.
Who refuses to defer to the thoughts, perceptions, and responses of others.
Imagine a woman who follows her creative impulses.
A woman who produces original creations.
Who refuses to color inside someone else's lines.
Imagine a woman who names her own gods.
A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.
Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.
Imagine a woman who refuses to surrender to gods, gurus, and higher powers.
A woman who has descended into her own inner life.
Who asserts her will in harmony with its impulses and instincts.
Imagine a woman who is interested in her own life.
A woman who embraces her life as teacher, healer, and challenge.
Who is grateful for the ordinary moments of beauty and grace.
Imagine a woman who authors her own life.
A woman who trusts her inner sense of what is right for her.
Who refuses to twist her life out of shape to meet the expectations of others.
Imagine a woman who participates in her own life.
A woman who meets each challenge with creativity.
Who takes action on her own behalf with clarity and strength.
Imagine a woman who has crafted a fully formed solitude.
A woman who is available to herself.
Who chooses friends and lovers with the capacity to respect her solitude.
Imagine a woman who refuses to diminish her life so others will feel better.
A woman who brings the fullness of her years, experience, and wisdom into each relationship.
Who expects others to be blessed and challenged by her presence in their lives.
Imagine a woman who assumes equality in her relationships.
A woman who no longer believes she is inferior to men and in need of their salvation.
Who has taken her rightful place in the human community.
Imagine a woman who refuses to use her precious life-energy managing crisis and conflict.
A woman whose relationships deepen in satisfaction and contentment without depleting her.
Who chooses friends and lovers with the capacity to navigate the challenges of life.
Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.
A woman who sits in circles of women.
Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.
Imagine a woman who has relinquished the desire for intellectual safety and approval.
A woman who makes a powerful statement with every word she speaks, every action she takes.
Who asserts to herself the right to reorder the world.
Imagine a woman who has grown in knowledge and love of herself.
A woman who has vowed faithfulness to her own life and capacities.
Who remains loyal to herself. Regardless.
Imagine yourself as this woman.
by Patricia Lynn Reilly
Friday, June 19, 2009
The Beauty
My friend sent me a picture of us while she was here and I was disgusted with myself. I look terrible. It seems these years have really taken a toll on me. I noticed it the other day in another picture as well. The tiny lines around my eyes. I look tired. I don't look well. Or happy.
I took my children to the pool today and it was hard to find a suit that I felt good in. I never took my cover up off. It is cold today and I don't feel well but it's unlike me. I'm usually a nudist at heart.
I noticed many of the other women at the pool seemed uncomfortable with their bodies too. One wore a long skirt to her ankles to cover up big legs. Only one seemed completely comfortable. A grey haired woman in a one piece. There's something sexy about a woman who doesn't color her hair. Who is comfortable in her body. Who doesn't feel compelled to be a size zero - or even a 4 or a 6. She was laughing nearly the whole time we were there.
It is the trying to be that kills us. Our gift to the world is being ourselves. Trying to be anything else ruins the gift.
I have put so much pressure on myself to be all things. To do all things well. And I rarely stop and wonder what makes me happy.
I do get a lot of satisfaction out of my children, reading, writing, eating and cooking and being with friends. But beyond that what is there?
Sula's note: I have never had such a hard finding a picture to post. I wanted a beautiful, grey-haired, middle aged woman in a swimsuit. I could find nothing. It's almost all twenty-year-old, skinny girls. Even when I typed in "pictures of Old Woman in swimsuits", I came up with mostly young girls - plus a few grannies, plus-size models, and even a few pregnant women.
Usually this tool is very specific and I find something immediately. Seems like there is a generation of women missing in swimsuits - and its no wonder we all feel like crap in our bathing suits!
I took my children to the pool today and it was hard to find a suit that I felt good in. I never took my cover up off. It is cold today and I don't feel well but it's unlike me. I'm usually a nudist at heart.
I noticed many of the other women at the pool seemed uncomfortable with their bodies too. One wore a long skirt to her ankles to cover up big legs. Only one seemed completely comfortable. A grey haired woman in a one piece. There's something sexy about a woman who doesn't color her hair. Who is comfortable in her body. Who doesn't feel compelled to be a size zero - or even a 4 or a 6. She was laughing nearly the whole time we were there.
It is the trying to be that kills us. Our gift to the world is being ourselves. Trying to be anything else ruins the gift.
I have put so much pressure on myself to be all things. To do all things well. And I rarely stop and wonder what makes me happy.
I do get a lot of satisfaction out of my children, reading, writing, eating and cooking and being with friends. But beyond that what is there?
Sula's note: I have never had such a hard finding a picture to post. I wanted a beautiful, grey-haired, middle aged woman in a swimsuit. I could find nothing. It's almost all twenty-year-old, skinny girls. Even when I typed in "pictures of Old Woman in swimsuits", I came up with mostly young girls - plus a few grannies, plus-size models, and even a few pregnant women.
Usually this tool is very specific and I find something immediately. Seems like there is a generation of women missing in swimsuits - and its no wonder we all feel like crap in our bathing suits!
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