Getting Even

It seems like my husband and I aren’t able to get along anymore even while separated. I am angry that he is not keeping his word regarding our financial commitments. The stress of that, keeping a job and a house up and taking care of two children 24-hours a day who are in a more fragile emotional state is a lot to manage – even without having to deal with him.

Yesterday, I was trying to get the house cleaned up before we had company over for dinner. I had a million things to do. I was worried he would not show up for my son’s play because of past experience. I had also texted him several times in the morning and I had not heard back from him.

Then when he does finally feel like calling, he wants me to drop everything and visit with him. I told him I was busy. He didn’t like my tone with him, so he hung up the phone on me. I was outraged. He sent me a text after and said, “Now we’re even.”

Even?

We will never be even.

The fact that you could even say that is laughable.

Maybe if I went to rehab for 150 days and still pulled the same shit.

Maybe if I didn't come home all night – night after night.

Maybe if shit and peed all over you and just expected you to forgive me again and again and again.

Maybe if I no-showed for your grandfather's funeral.

Maybe if I no-showed to any one of our kids events.

But the fact is that I am there. I am here. I have never missed anything. I am the one who does absolutely everything.

And you're right. Marriage counseling is a waste of time. I do hate you. How could I not?