My response to the fourth wife 8/14/2007

Hi K,
I am mostly happy. It has been a very hard year and J. and I are obviously having some problems right now. I like this passage from The Prophet though:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the same well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. The deeper that sorry carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
-Kahlil Gibran

I have been reflecting a lot on life and I think that is good. Maybe I needed this year to slow me down. The last ten years or so have been so busy. I used to read, pray and journal a lot more.
I liked J’s email a lot and especially the fact that he took the time to write it. In my faith, we say, God bless anyone who shows me my mistake. It is a way to remind ourselves to stay humble and open to new ideas – and that mistakes can hurt us so people who are willing to risk scorn to reveal them to us really love us very dearly.

It is also important for both sides of the family to stick by the marriage and I felt that from his email. Sometimes I feel like I call J. a lot, but if I told my family some of this stuff they would not be able to accept it and there would be no going back. I don’t think we are quite to that point yet, but it does sometimes leave me feeling very isolated.

Thanks for your email.


Sula’s note: It disturbs me to read this now. For so long, I tried to be the “good” daughter-in-law. My in-laws knew very well that my husband was not coming home and the turmoil that I was under. I felt so alone at that time – like I could not possibly tell my family or friends what was really happening at home – who could understand it?

At that time, I was relying on my in-laws so much for support. And, you know, they should have stood up and said HIS BEHAVIOR IS NOT RIGHT.