Mother's Day

My daughter seems to be increasingly distressed. She is very emotional, throwing a lot of tantrums. My son is able to articulate things better, and is still upset, but my daughter has taken to hitting me, screaming and telling me she both wants her dad and that she wants someone else to be her mommy.

My husband texted and called me throughout the day yesterday. He says he wants to work this out. He hasn't asked directly if he can come home, but I did tell him yesterday it would be better if we just separated now. The kids already think he is gone. My son asked me if he could see his dad on Christmas. I told him of course, and that he would still see his dad. I asked him how often he would like to see his dad, and he said, maybe once a week like before.

My husband thinks that separating is the worst thing we could do. He is minimizing his actions, like he usually does. He said there are bigger issues than him not coming home and that we have both been unhappy for a long time. He keeps talking about his needs not being met and how I wasn't being his wife. I told him there is just no excuse for not coming home. I told him that was a non-negotiable for me, and that I told him that repeatedly and he did it anyway, so that pretty much tells me all I need to know.

He has yet to take any responsibility for not coming home. He just keeps saying he made a mistake. This was hardly a mistake. Once again, he and his family have very different definitions about things. I have told him repeatedly, saying sorry (which he hasn't even done this time) does not mean anything when you keep repeating the same behavior. When you are truly sorry, you stop the behavior. I have likened it to me - with the only thing I think he could possibly understand since I am not an addict. I have said, "If I went out and had an affair, the first time, I could perhaps say, I made a mistake. You would be upset, but you would perhaps forgive me with work. But if I went out and kept sleeping with various men and just kept saying, "I made a mistake, please forgive me." You would have a hard time dealing with that, right?"

It still just doesn't seem to be sinking in. Perhaps he just can't fathom me ever having an affair. I don't know.

He wants to go to marriage counseling. But we have done that. I don't see the point.

We are headed to church, and then we have a brunch planned with my family at our club. My husband wants to come, but the kids have not seen him since Thursday, and I think it would be too upsetting for all of us, especially to meet in public.

The kids showered me with gifts that they had made this morning for Mother's Day. They both made me pins, that have a little charm that says mom, at school. They decorated the envelopes, my daughter with scribbles and my son with Spiderman. My son also made me an egg shaker, a globe and many pictures. It was very sweet.