Its summer and the kid’s days are filled with activities. Tonight we have soccer again and I'm apprehensive because last week I noticed that most of the fathers were there too and I wonder if J noticed it too. I'm angry that I'm alone again. I know long-term this is better and no one will ask me, but I wish we were just like the other families.
Mostly I'm angry at J's dad for setting this whole thing up this way. For setting us up to fail.
I remember the words of the man in my family group at Betty Ford who says you can only be convicted of a crime once. This helped me for a few weeks but it has become less and less comforting. When did he ever serve his time? I decide to try him. I collect the data. It seems an overwhelming task. So I just stop.
They ask you to do the impossible - forgive and trust someone that could relapse at any time - and in my case already has.
Since it seems so much of modern writing is taken up with vignettes of miserable childhoods, wouldn't it make sense for us to devote more of our time to ensuring our children had better childhoods? Work a little less, not have that second (or third) glass of wine, really listen to and enjoy our children
Could we put a little more into our marriages (and a little more thought into who we marry) so that there are fewer divorces?
I don't think marriage is for everyone yet our society tricks us into wanting it in a subconscious way. I wish I lived somewhere that valued family and not just materialism.
ReplyDeleteWell said April!
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