- My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.
- My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.
- Your struggles affect my serenity.
- My mental attention is focused on pleasing you.
- My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or relieving your pain.
- My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
- My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to "do it my way".
- My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.
- Your appearance and clothing are a reflection of me.
- Your behavior is a reflection of me.
- I am not aware of how I feel; I am aware of how you feel. I am not aware of what I want; I ask what you want. If I do not know, I guess.
- My fear of rejection determines what I say and do.
- My fear of your anger determines what I say and do.
- I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
- My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.
- The quality of my life depends on the quality of your life.
I can definitely see that I have made progress, but I wonder when it will all be over. I have read the books, and would definitely be up for suggestions on more, but here I am in this spot, AGAIN!!
I am coming up on my one-year anniversary in Al-Anon. It amazes me that there are people there that have been going for 20 years, and they still have some of the same issues as me.
I have been so worried that my children will become addicts someday. But I have started to wonder: which is worse? Being an addict or the one enslaved to them?
I think the codepedent has it way worse because they are faced with dysfunctional behavior patterns that can pop up at any time. My friend Edward once told me that even if the addict recovers, if the codependent has not, the family system will not be healthy. After seeing what I've seen, i know that is true. In my life and in others lives.
ReplyDeleteYes - and it seems like the work for both is never-ending.
ReplyDelete