Credit

I'd like to give a little credit where credit is due.

I have been in a dysfunctional relationship with an alcoholic for 7 years now.

So here it goes...the alcoholic certainly is not going to be getting any alkaloids from my today. Nor are his parents, who are at the root of his behavior as far as I'm concerned.

First and foremost, I would like to thank my ex-husband, H, and his wife L. H helped me financially the first year of my son's life, when J was drinking and no where to be found. He and his wife came and helped me at the house many times. Most memorably was the night a few days after J was born when J was inconsolable. I could not get J to stop crying.

J was AWOL.

I could not get him on the phone, which has come to be a familiar pattern. Anyone who has had their first child and knows how scary it can be when the baby just cries and cries for no apparent reason can probably empathize. I was completely alone. Thank GOD L and H lived down the street and were able to come to the house and stay with me until I could get J to stop crying - sometime in the middle of the night. I will be FOREVER in their gratitude for that.

I will always thank H and L for loaning me money during that time. I received NO financial contributions from J for almost a year after J was born. I liquidated 3 retirement accounts to pay for expenses. Expenses that you would think the father would help out with.

I was ready to leave J, but then he went to rehab for 60 days. Wow - I I felt so much hope.

What a joke. Hope?

And then he relapsed.

And then he relapsed again.

And now it seems, he has relapsed again.

What a life!

My bad for always wanting to believe the best in someone.

Apparently I am the bad person, the fucked up person.

Because here we are again. H's 3rd birthday. And her dad is a NO SHOW.

And my ex-husband did the BBQ for the 2nd year in a row.

H has his own family. He has his own wife. And they are all lovely.

This goes way beyond the realm of his responsibility. He is a good man. But enough is enough.

I'd also like to thank my family.

They have stepped in, again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.

My dad is here every Sunday with the kids. Someone has to be a man. Someone has to show them how they should behave AS A FATHER. Someone has to stop this dyfunction from going down from generation to generation to generation. My mom has been here so often it also seems like WE are the partners. That we are the ones who made these children together.

And I would just like to know, WHERE THE FUCK HAVE THE H'S BEEN?????

But lastly, I would like to say thank you to J's Aunt J, who has just about been the saving grace and the shining light in the entire Hs family. Thank you for showing me kindness. Thank you for being at H's birthday party. Thank you for caring. Because that means a lot to me.

K, you don't send someone a card and tell them they are a "Good Man" right after they don't come home ALL NIGHT LONG.

You don't continue to reinforce BAD behavior with money.

Unless, it is convenient for you to have A DEPENDENT ADDICT as your son.