Thursday, July 2, 2009
I realized the other day that am still waiting for my fairy tale to come true. And looking at my life and all the others around me I should have realized a long time ago that was never going to happen. I need to take control of my own life.
And I need to consider the wider the impact of all the Barbie and Princess books my daughter loves so much will have in her life. (No, I did NOT buy these! But she has received them as gifts and LOVES them!!)
My daughter is a VERY strong girl. Truly, I wish I had her strength. But I wonder what our culture will squelch in her - and what impressions my own thoughts on life have made on her.
This is a hard thing for me. I consider myself a feminist. (Women-studies minor in college). And yet, my own upbringing was very traditional. While it wasn't always happy, I have found myself striving for that same model in my own life. Even when there was never chance of that working out long-term.
I've told several of my younger friends not to ever give up their financial independence. Which I still wish I had not done. But it is also such a trade-off - and one I wish no one had to make.
I have enjoyed my kids, thoroughly. I am still saddened by the first year of my son's life. I was working way too much and unable to stay home with him. And sometimes I almost feel like I want to have another baby - not because I want another baby per say, but just so I can somehow recapture that time.
But the truth is, that time is gone and I have to make my peace with it.
I remember an exercise my counselor tried with me many years ago about seeing things as they are instead of how we want them to be. I don't think I was ready for that then. But I'm slowly beginning to see that I need to be ready now.