My Dear Zora

"I have been in Sorrow's kitchen and licked out all the pots. Then I have stood on the peaky mountain wrapped in rainbows, with a harp and a sword in my hands."
- Zora Neale Hurston

I've thought about that quote a lot lately and here's the thing. I've read enough and seen enough of the world to know that, often, there are no happy endings. A happy ending is an American idea, and it doesn't work out for a lot of people, including Zora.

When I was sitting with L the other day talking about life and all that has happened with my husband these last 7 years, she said, I can't believe that. After all of this and all you've sacrificed that this is how it is going to turn out. This is America!!!

I told her that that meant nothing.

She said she knew it wasn't going to work between my husband and I the day after our son came home from the hospital. There I was, having just birthed a baby that would not stop crying whatever I tried. I called my husband again and again but he was AWOL. Finally sometime after midnight I was desperate. I called my ex-husband and L, who lived down the street at the time. Lebanese are very family-oriented so I knew they would know what to do. They had both been around babies all their lives.

It wad bad gas. And they were able to help me finally get the baby down. They stayed there with me until he was calm and asleep and I was OK. (Well into the early hours of the morning.) I didn't hear from my husband until sometime the next day.

He brought me a Tiffany Charm Bracelet, engraved with our son's name and birthdate. As if that would make up for it. I can never bear to wear that bracelet. I'm saving it for my son's future wife, as a promise, that I will always be there for her and for their marriage, no matter what.

She told me she will never forget that time. Neither will I.

As I was saying sometimes there is just no happy ending. Even with everything we put in to make it so.