Overwhelmed Today

It seems that the condo has sold. Someone bought it for cash to use primarily as a boathouse after they reduced the price. They want my husband out in a week. We have someone coming to look at our house tomorrow.

So now we must decide what to do with the living arrangements and it all feels very overwhelming.

I feel myself getting angry again. I wonder if my husband and his dad ever think about the effects of any of this on the kids. It has been traumatic when their dad doesn't come home or when he doesn't show up for things. It has been hard for the kids not to see their dad every day. I have been their source of stability and security. But so has our house. That is the only home they have known. I know it is only "a place to live" and that we need to "bring our expenses down", but moving is stressful and destabilizing. I don't know how much more I can take. I feel like I am already at my breaking point. It seems like I am the one who is taking the brunt of everything. And I am trying to stay calm and centered, but sometimes everything gets the best of me.

It also seems that there is always money for everything else. But when there is a legitimate need for the kids and I, there is no money. My dad was shocked at the condition of my tires when we drove down to the beach. The brakes are practically out too. Supposedly everything is being done this week, after I relayed my father's dismay. But there is always money for long stints at rehab, and the Beverly Hills Hotel, and my husband's expensive clothes. (Not to mention booze and cocaine.)

My husband asked about marriage counseling again and I exploded, when could I even go? I am with the kids 24 hours a day. I am "supposed to" work and make money. I am "supposed to" cook and clean and take them everywhere they need to go. If he had a decent family, I could rely on them for some help with the kids. But I can't trust them with my kids and they never offer anyway.

And I am still having to ask for money all the time. He is not giving us enough money to live on. And I suppose I am "supposed to" now find another full-time job so that there will be money to pay all the bills that he left us with. After all his carelessness and his father's spite, that is what it has come down to.