Upset

I have been too upset these last few days to write anything.

My grandfather's funeral was ruined many years ago because of my husband and his father. I did not want him to come to my grandmother's service because of this and he did not.

Everything went very well until after the reception. My daughter had been sick so I had kept her home from school. By 3pm, she was spent. I carried her out to the car, but she had a meltdown. I do not usually wear high heels and there was a ridge in the sidewalk I tripped over. We both fell.

I tried to break her fall with my hands, so I got pretty banged up. But she still hit her head anyway, which was upsetting for both of us. I sat there for at least 5 minutes in a daze. No one was around us or heard us and I just didn't want to get up.

She fell asleep almost as soon as I put her in the car and I called the doctor's office. The nurse told me what to watch for. When we got home, I called her dad and gave him the instructions, as he was to pick her up after our family dinner and I did not want to forget anything. He told me that perhaps I should just deal with it. That was fine with me. I told him he should come pick up our son though because he gets upset when he does not.

I had made a delicious pot roast dinner. It had slow-cooked for nearly 10 hours and was probably the best one (actually 2) I have ever made. I had invited my close family over for a dinner after the reception. I thought it would be nice to have some private time together, and dinners were always very important to my grandma.

I set the table in the morning with her China and Silver she had given me years before. I made sure everything on the table had been hers, and it made the dinner very special for all of us.

Afterwards, I asked my sister's boyfriend to play the piano for us. He did and sang beautifully. My dad and sisters and I sang along when we knew the words. I was thinking in my head that this was heaven. I really felt happy and at peace.

Then my husband came.

I don't even want to write about all the details because they still upset me. But he decided he wanted to take my daughter and she did not want to go with him. Ultimately, there was a standoff between us and he threatened to call the police. I told him to go ahead. He was a convicted felon. What were they going to do? I was with my family after my grandmother's funeral and he wants to take my children by force?

My sister stepped in and said something like, "Don't you realize our grandma just died?"

My son ran inside with me. Ultimately neither of them went with him. My dad's wife started sobbing. She had never directly witnessed this side of him. I was crying, the kids were confused, my sister's and dad were trying to comfort everyone - and my dad and my sister's boyfriend went outside to talk my husband out of calling the police or taking the kids.

Somehow, he always manages to ruin everything. He turns every event into something about him, uncomfortable without drama. I am still angry.

He came back this morning and took both the kids. My daughter was sobbing and clinging to me. She kept saying, "I want to stay with mommy." She has called me crying, which just seems like more torture for both of us. She wants to come home.

And I can't figure out why he just won't let her.

What sort of relationship does he want to have with our children?