Ladies Lunch

I went to a ladies lunch on Thursday at the home of a good friend of mine. I was planning to just pop by, as I don't usually do a 3-hour lunch. But the time flew by and I found myself enjoying it.

I have not been around people with money for a while. Perhaps I have been avoiding it in my own way. But I do love my friend.

It's funny - when I met her, I assumed a lot about her because of the way she dressed mostly. She is completely entrenched in upscale brand names. I remember I started doing that for a while and my sister commented that I was becoming a walking advertisement.

After a year of getting to know my friend, I found there is a lot that lies beneath the surface. She is a very sweet and dear person. She has had struggles of her own that no one would ever guess at.

I think women with money have the same or more hindrances as most women. But they are expected to be a certain way - act like a lady - dress well - keep their shape - take care of all the social obligations, which will promote her husband's career. And the majority of them live up to this image, especially when they marry into money. All of these expectations take up a lot of time. All of these detract from the full creative potential and individual economic well-being of the woman.

Money protects its own. If the woman does not live up to this image created for her, there will not be a place for her - and she will not have the skills needed to go out on her own. And in most cases, she will not be able to enjoy the same lifestyle if the relationship ends. Hence, she is in her own cage - a very pretty bird with no place to go.

For years I wore a size zero and most of the women surrounding me wore a similar size. It seemed normal, expected.

I am now at a size 4 and I was easily the biggest woman there. It was a strange position to be in after being away from it. No one said anything directly, but one woman did say she didn't recognize me when she first walked in.

I am glad to have my curves back. I don't want to be a size 0 anymore. For a woman who is 5'7", that size is just plain crazy. Many of the women at that party wore a 00 size.

Being that thin was never intentional for me. I think primarily it was stress and extended breast feeding. I felt the worst I have ever felt in my life - but in those circles, everyone constantly told me how amazing I looked. My family and friends kept me sane.

The biggest question the women had for me was how it felt to be without my rings. It was the first time people have been so candid with me about this. It was a very interesting conversation and probably not one I would have in most places. All of them had large diamonds as well. They wanted to know how I felt without mine. They could not imagine taking theirs off.

I thought that was a very valid and interesting perspective. A large ring almost enslaves you to a man. And, it becomes part of who you are - as they all affirmed. In many ways, a large ring speaks for you in ways words cannot.

I explained that it was difficult for me and it was a process. This was the first time I have felt that everyone in the room knew exactly what I was talking about.

It is one thing to say that you would just throw a large diamond off your finger. It is quite another one to wear one for a long time and choose to take it off. I loved my rings. They were beautiful.

But, I explained that I now prefer my fingers without any rings on them. And that I realized my ring represented a false promise, and a false life.

People see a ring like that and they make a lot of assumptions about who you are. And even if you do have a "good" marriage, I think many of those assumptions are false. At least they were for me.

Everywhere you go, the first thing people see is the size of your ring. It detracts from who you are as a person. I finally feel like I am me.