Rape

I have been surprised and saddened by the number of friends who have come to me lately with their stories of rape. It seems I am hitting that point in my mid-thirties where women are finally able to come forward and talk about these things openly.

It seems that through our teens and twenties, we are constantly embarrassed just to be women. Our normal bodily functions - periods, childbirth, etc. are all somehow gross and disgusting - let alone being raped or molested.

As I begin to spend more time with women, I see the commonality of all of our stories. The saddest part about rape to me is that women are by and large not supported if they do come forward. Our fathers, friends and boyfriends somehow turn it around back at us, as if we had done something wrong. Probably the biggest "excuse" for rape is what we were wearing. But rape happens in all countries - even Muslim countries where women are covered from head-to-toe. So this argument is bullshit as far as I am concerned.

Rape happens because we are socialized as girls to be weak and to wait for someone else to protect us. Statistically speaking, we know that this is not the case with rape. A woman is raped, and it is somehow her fault. The men who were supposed to protect us point their fingers back at us. Systematically throughout the world, rape is not punished. And until it is, rape will continue.

When I was about 19, a man tried to rape me. Luckily, he was not much bigger than me, and I was able to fight him off, at least from technically raping me. But he did violate me in other ways, and it was very traumatic for me. I was still a virgin and I certainly didn't want to give up my cherished virginity that way.

Looking back at my fundamentalist Christian upbringing today, I wonder if all those "True Love Waits" campaigns are not extremely harmful to girls who have been raped or molested. What caveat is there for them?

I wish we would spend more time empowering our daughters than shaming them. It seems like it takes nearly a lifetime for women to recover from our socialization.