Forgive, but don't Forget

I have been sitting here thinking for a long time.

It's getting to be crunch-time for my marriage. We are supposed to see a judge next week. Not sure what will come of that.

I am still very nervous about going to the funeral on Saturday. I spoke to my former husband's wife about it today and she told me to hold my head up high and be proud. I have done nothing wrong.

That said, I still have a lot of angst about being around my husband's family.

I was sitting here trying to think of why it is so hard for me to forgive my father-in-law. With most people, I can see two sides of the story. I have many long-term friendships and relationships, which have had their ups and downs and forgiveness over the years.

But I think what gets me with my father-in-law is that I have forgiven him before, and then he turns around and does the same thing. The only thing I associate to him now is abuse and pain.

I remember one of the Tyler Perry movies, I think Madea's Family Reunion, where Madea tells her granddaughter, "Forgive, but don't forget. Remember, so it doesn't happen to you again."

I wish I could let go of everything, but I guess when it comes down to it, I am afraid to.

I don't have any hopes that he will ever change.

I've run into people like that before, and I have let them go. And the forgiveness has come with time, as I have not had to constantly rub up against them.

But it seems no matter which way my marriage goes, I will always have some tie to my father-in-law. While I can try to minimize it as much as possible, it will never go away completely.