Grief

I got an email this morning from a dear friend, letting me know his brother had died. Years ago the three of us would have so much fun together. He always carried things a bit to far with his drinking and that progressed to the point in recent years where many of us could barely stand to be around him. I saw him less and less over the years but I always cared about him and asked how he was doing. I choose to remember the good years now. It is so tragic to lose a life to alcoholism. He had everything in the world going for him when I met him. Charming, good looking, smart...everyone always liked him. It is so hard for me to understand the whys.

We need to find better solutions to this "disease". No one should die this way. In the midst of everything going on in Haiti that is completely out of anyone's control, it is hard to understand how the simple act of taking a drink can progress to alcoholism and then death. I know people say we can not control alcoholism, but no one "has" to take a drink. It is both baffling and maddening to me.

For whatever reason their mother has been in my heart and mind these past weeks. She died about 4 years ago of cancer. She was a remarkable Irish woman who raised 6 boys. I always felt very close to her although she never expressed much emotion. (Must be the Irish in me.) I remember at her funeral one of the girls they grew up with got up and talked about how she expressed her love for others through the food she would make them. I related well to that.

When I think of his mother and father, I cry. I am grateful that his mother did not live to see this day. That was a grace. No matter how soon her death came, I know as a mother, I would never want to live to see the day my son died. There is no way to make sense of that. I know she loved him dearly and completely.

Today, I came home after my son's field trip and looked at old photos. It was sad to see him in happier years. Sad to see his mother at various milestones, looking so strong and beautiful. I did feel like I have seen better days, and I was grateful for the friends and family that have surrounded me throughout my life.

In any case I am very sad today, mostly because I know that a family that I love is hurting. My loss is insignificant - theirs is so very great. Sending peace and love to my dear friend C and his family.