Friday, January 29, 2010


We had dinner as a family last night at one of our favorite old spots. It went very well all things considered.

Today was much more volatile. I rarely ask my husband for help with the kids. But today they did not have school and both my mother and me had appointments. So he said he would be here before 10am and would stay until my mom could come at 11:30. Instead, he came at 10:18.

I was not a happy camper. I was supposed to be across town at 10:30 and I was late.

It seems like nothing that has to do with me or the kids is a priority for him. I can not understand on the one day during this entire school year (and probably beyond) that I ask him to be here, he is so inconsiderately late. And instead of just saying I'm sorry, he just has to get into it.

I feel like he completely de-values all my work with the kids because it is not a "paying" job. And yet, if he had to drive more than an hour each morning to get the kids off to 2 different schools each morning ON-TIME hours before his work day even started - and then had to repeat at night, get them to all their activities and playdates and wash, feed, clean, launder and everything else I do around here - and squish his work day in between all of that -- he would never make it.

If he can't even make one day, how would he deal with the repetition of my life every day?

And yet, he continues to de-value my work. Today, he said AGAIN, "Someone has to make the money around here."

Well great, except I do make money too.

It's hampered by the fact that my children are my first priority, but I do make money too.

Perhaps I don't make as much financially as him anymore (I used to make more). But I have always done at least double my share in this relationship, whether it was about making money, paying bills, housework or taking care of children.

This afternoon, the fighting continued about our court date next week. We can not seem to agree on anything. His commissions have been substantial this month, and I have seen a tiny fraction of them. It angers me that he would try to short us when I am here - and I have been here - doing everything.

I told him today, if both of us behaved the way you have around our children, they would take our kids away from us.


  1. This guy is no knight in shining armor. You're going to have to value what you do in spite of him.

  2. Right on Madison. Sounds like he isn't up to being reliable. I've learned to stop expecting reliability in people who aren't. It just leads to me being frustrated. "If he can't do it, he can't do it." Move along, move along, I tell myself.

  3. Sula, it's important to value who you are in spite of what your husband says. I've learned to not believe all that people say--in fact, I don't believe much of what I hear from alcoholics. It's what I think about myself that is important.