4th Step

I finally finished my fourth step in the Blueprint for Progress workbook. Honestly, I found it a bit mundane. I did not find out anything I did not already know about myself. I'm glad I did it because it was hanging over my head. (I hate to leave things unfinished.)

But I don't find the 12 steps all that groundbreaking for me. I was already raised to do those things. Perhaps because I did not fully grow up in an alcoholic home and the damage was less severe to me. My step dad was likely an alcoholic, but he was functioning and always kept a job and supported the family.

My experience with my husband has been completely different. I don't think I ever completely internalized it as being OK or normal. It seems that a lot of this is stuff that I dealt with in therapy when I was pregnant with my son. I feel largely at peace with myself. I think I stayed too long in a bad situation but I have young children, and I do not blame myself for that. I think I have always done the best I could.

I have read over the 12 steps again and again over the years and I don't feel there is anything else for me to do at this point. I don't believe that Al-Anon is for everyone. I tried it. It was good to know that I am not alone. Beyond that I think it has served it's purpose with me.