Sunday, January 3, 2010


My husband hasn't seen the kids much these last few weeks.

Last night we all had dinner together for about an hour at the Spaghetti factory. But there wasn't a lot of quality time and things between us are very strained.

He was supposed to come today at 12:30 when we came back from church to do something special with the kids on his own.

I had missed a call from him at church but called him back to let him know that we would be back home by 12:30, as planned. He sorta paused so I said, are we still on?

He said I think I'll come at 2:30. I asked him what was up and he said he was getting a lot done at his house. I told him that time wasn't going to work but he could come for dinner and that I was making fried chicken. (which we all love.)

I stayed calm and got off the phone. My daughter is not at an age where she cares much but my son burst into years. He had heard us on the phone. He asked, why isn't my dad going to do what he said? I thought he was going to do something fun with me.

I really didn't know what to say to that. He's right. I can never remember my dad not showing up or not keeping his word. I can't imagine what he is feeling. It breaks my heart to see his face drop like that. His head literally sunk.

I sat with him on the stairs for a while and held him. I don't think I can justify or defend his dad anymore but I also hate to see him feel bad.

I told him how special and loved he is. I said, do you know how many people would love to spend the day with you?

I said how about if we do something special? He remembered something he needed help with on the computer and we tried to figure that out for a bit.

I texted my husband and told him what our son said. He said he would come right over.

We talked and I told him he needs to keep his word to the kids. I told him this wasn't fair to our son. He told me this was "hard for all of us.".

I said he's 6! Imagine how he feels?

Over an hour later, he still was not here. I was trying to put my daughter down for a nap and feel stressed about everything we need to get ready to start school again tomorrow.

My husband said the way things are set up make it difficult sometimes.

I asked him, "It is difficult for you to show up on time for the 2 times a week you see your children?" I told him to forget it. I'm done talking to him. I've already done damage control for today with the kids and we don't need him showing up here late later (if at all).

I wonder if he ever thinks about the long-term damage this will cause his children. Kids need consistency. They need honesty. Somehow I manage to be on time for both the kids 99% of the time will 2 schools, hectic extra-curricular schedules, play-dates, birthday parties, a house to run, a job and everything else. It is not easy, but I do it.

I am not happy. I don't know if I should have told my husband or not. It just turned into an argument and more justifications from him. The end result is that he still is not here. I don't know what the answer is with my children and their dad. All I can try to do is be the best mother I can and keep other positive men in their lives.

Church is also great. They did not want to leave today. We stayed in the fellowship hall for nearly an hour after church ended talking to people. I am grateful for that church. I feel very tired and emotional today and cried several times during the service. A teenager sang Ave Maria beautifully and I could not stop the tears from coming.

Sometimes it is hard for me to sit alone but I am always glad that I went instead of sitting at home.

The kids enjoyed their time in Sunday school and joined me later for communion. I am very happy that they have also found joy and comfort in church. Many people commented to me that they love the energy my children bring to the church. I'm glad they have a place where they are loved and cherished.

So many people have taken interest in the kids at church. Today, a man who is an engineer (and seems to be about the kindest man I've ever met) invited us to come to his home and see the robots he makes. He runs a program for older kids where theiy build robots. He sat down with him and let him explain all his Pokemon cards to him. He was very sincere and genuine with him, asking a lot of questions.

There are so many members there that are so engaged in meaningful projects and service-work and have some wonderful interests. This man has 3 kids and a wife of his own, but here he is offering to teach my son something he would really enjoy.

And his own father can't even make it on time? His own father can't manage to show up in over a week.

I didn't grow up this way so this is something that is impossible for me to fathom. My kids are amazing and precious. It is very hard to forgive someone for (continually) hurting your children.

I don't know if I ever can.

1 comment:

  1. I say this pray each day as I try to forgive my alcoholic husband. It is by Stormie Omartian:

    Lord, help me to forgive others. If I have any anger, bitterness, resentment, or unforgiveness that I am not recognizing, reveal it to me and I will confess it to You as sin. Specifically, I ask You to help me fully forgive (name anyone you feel you need to forgive). Make me to understand the depth of Your forgiveness toward me so that I won't hold back forgiveness from others. I realize that my forgiving someone doesn't make them right; it makes me free. I also realize that You are the only one who knows the whole story, and You will see justice done.