Monday, February 8, 2010

By Any Means Necessary

Well, so far I'd call my husband's visitations disastrous, at least with my daughter.

She is not used to spending so much time alone with him. She's still adjusting to being at school 6-7 hours a day. I don't know why my husband can't understand how she might feel as a 3-year-old little girl. It seems that everything is always about him.

It sounded as if everyone had fun on Saturday. But when she came back though, she was clearly out of sorts. She threw a huge temper tantrum at my dads. She kept saying, I don't want to be with my dad. I just want to be with you mommy.

I called my husband later that night and explained that she was having a hard time and that maybe we should ease into the visits, at least with her. I really felt like I did this in a very kind way that made it clear I was trying to think of our daughter first.

He seemed to accept that then, but the following morning after church, we got into a huge argument.

My daughter kept saying she didn't want to go and I tried to ease the situation for him by downplaying her words. (In retrospect, I won't do that again - it's disabling her feelings.)

They were all going to go to lunch together, but my daughter wanted to stay with me. She wanted me to take her out to lunch. I told her I could not afford that. My husband blew up at me for saying that in front of her.

What is wrong with the truth? I can't afford it. There was no judgement in my tone. I simply said I could not afford it. I can't.

She was by then strapped into her car seat in my car and he started screaming and yelling in the church parking lot and saying he was going to take her anyway and she was just going to have to get used to being with him.

I quietly told him he was not helping her. I reminded him that this wasn't about him, it was about her.

He ended up letting me take her after making a big scene and threatening me about how things were going to be.

I drove off shaking my head, driving past half the church members who were still in the parking lot.

He continued to text me. I ignored him.

We stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few items. He called. I answered, thinking it might be something about my son. My husband just continued to rant and rave about everything. I told him that I was in the grocery store and I could not talk. He continued on. I hung up the phone.

He brought back my son around 3pm. There was more unpleasantness. That has continued on through today.

I just want peace, for myself and for my children.

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