New Day

Yesterday was a bad day all around. My dad threw a late birthday party for me so my sister could make it down from Seattle.

I ended up crying all afternoon. I did not feel like going to a party or getting dressed for a party. I waited until 15 minutes before I absolutely had to leave and put some clothes on.

My dad made me a picture CD as we were leaving and when we got home I looked at it. I will not be posting any pictures of me from that night on our family blog. I looked terrible. It was such a contrast from the Christmas pictures he also gave me on the disk. I looked like I had aged 10 years. My face was worn and my body just looks puffy.

It was good to be around my family and to get the kids back.

Midway through dinner, my daughter threw a fit and I had to remove her from the table. We went into my dad's bedroom where she continued to scream loudly. She said she just wanted to be with me and that she just wanted to be at home. She kept saying she did not want to be with her dad.

I know that she loves her dad and it is good for her to spend time with him. But I think it was too long of a day for her age, especially considering how much time she has spent with him previously. It sounds like they did have fun and all went well, but I think they need to gradually work up to spending time together.

I talked to my husband about it and we are trying to work out a compromise. Today, we are heading to church and my husband will meet us there. That was something that I added into our temporary agreement. I feel that the church is a very positive force in the children's life and I want them to continue to get that support every week.

Hopefully in time, we will work into an easier existence. Right now, everything seems very hard.

My daughter woke up in a very sweet mood this morning and it was very precious to lay in bed with her and hold her for about a half an hour before we all got up. She is still young enough that she has all her baby fat so she is very cuddly.

My son doesn't usually like to be held anymore but last night he let me hold him while he was falling asleep. However sad I may be feeling I know that this divorce will be harder on them than anyone else, so I want them to always know how much they are cherished and loved.