Thursday, February 18, 2010
Trying to Make Things Work
I am irritated this morning that my husband continues to ask me about trying to make things work. He does not seem to understand that he has done too much damage. He wants to continue to play the victim, when he has been the one to victimize me and the kids - continually.
He asked me again this morning after I did not respond to his message last night. I told him he had managed to strip any desire I had left to want to stay in the marriage. Let's just focus on the kids and try to get along.
For a long time, I have held on to this idea of being married and raising our kids together. But as my counselor always told me, I was holding onto a dream of how I wanted things to actually be and not the reality of how things are with my husband.
Our society puts so much emphasis on being a part of a relationship - especially when you have children. I think I have really bought into that. Single mothers are second class citizens in so many ways.
Mothers and wives also seem to be weary of a single attractive woman. As many of my male friends keep telling me, you just need to put on about 20 pounds, and then all the wives will feel comfortable around you. I am really not interested in being with anyone's husband. I am not really interested in being with any man.
I think it is sad that fear makes us do so many things. Tony Robbins says people will do more to avoid pain than to obtain pleasure.
I'd rather be a whole person than a half of a dysfunctional relationship.