Buck Up you FUCK UP

So tonight, I have to say that I am disappointed with the intial outcome of the court hearing today. I am disappointed because what I got and what I was promised were two different things. I am disappointed because I feel I have been mislead by my husband since June about his intentions. I am disappointed because I feel that I am the one who has been here doing all the work and trying to do the right thing from the get-go, and my husband has been a complete screw-off and disappointment - yet I am still the one who is getting fucked.

The judge said today that we should leave this marriage on equal footing. Right now, that is not even remotely happening. My husband did not input his accurate earnings in the calculation section. The judge said we would need to have full disclosure prior to settlement, and hopefully that will happen. Actually, I will not rest until that does happen.

I am fully aware that from the get-go, I have done 95% or more of all of the work relating to our children, cooking and our home.

For a long time, I considered that as my "job" or "contribution", and I was more than happy to do it.

But how is it that I am now supposed to do even more of the work with a very small "salary" that is now called "Alimony" and "Child Support?"

I suppose now at least I can count on my payments and do not have to (hopefully) hound my (soon to be ex) husband for money all the time to pay OUR bills.

But I will receive (thus far) no where near enough "compensation" to cover my TIME, let alone *our* expenses.

I am not satisfied with this temporary agreement. I can see now why women continually stay in bad marriages.

That said, the loser in these arrangements (whether staying or leaving) is the children.

And I suppose I could make the "choice" to work long hours and be the sole parent responsible for these children AND work 60+ hours a week, but that is not going to serve my children.

And I suppose I could "choose" to marry another man right away to take care of the three of us, but that is not going to serve my children.

What serves my children is having their father buck up and take full financial reponsibility for the children he created.

I do value my job as their mother. There is nothing in the world I would rather do.

But that does not pay the bills.