Goodbye Pat

My counselor passed away Saturday night. I had known it was coming for a while so I feel at peace with it. She was a tremendous force in my life. I began seeing her early on in my relationship with my husband. Once I realized I was pregnant with my son, I went into turbo-charge in my sessions. I really wanted to be the best possible parent I could be and I knew to do that I had things I needed to deal with first. I really credit her for the mom I am today.

The other really powerful lesson I learned from her was rearding my sisters. I took my youngest sister in with me about 5 years ago because we weren't relating the way I wanted to. Pat had a way of calling people on their shit and she did that with me then. She told me I was being unfair to compare this sister to the others and make assumptions and demands on her based on my relationships with the other two. She reminded me that she was a different person. She was so right.

The following is a poem she gave me about 8 years ago. It has always been special to me.

After A While

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises

and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child

and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much

so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...