Friday, November 20, 2009

Missed call

I had a missed call from my husband at 3:40AM today. I woke up and tried to call back, but there was no answer. I spent about 20 minutes dwelling on it. I thought maybe he was out drinking, then I fixated that he must have gotten arrested for driving drunk, and then I moved on to some other worry that I can't even remember. I started to wonder if I am ever going to reach a point in my life of faith and trust with him - or if I will always worry that the worst has happened.

He texted me very coherently and let me know that he just couldn't sleep and had accidentally dialed me while he was setting his alarm. In any case, I went back to sleep for a few hours.

It seems that my husband has finally found a sponsor that he likes and things seem to be going well with him. He is going to a lot of AA meetings with him and working through the steps. I am happy to hear this because he has really never worked with a sponsor in an official or long-term capacity.

Regardless of my interrupted sleep, I woke up in a great mood today and things seem to be going much better. I think it because of several things.

#1 I am trying to engage in more things that I love and to give back to other people.

#2 I was finally able to acknowledge where I am at with 2 close friends yesterday. I have been feeling pretty depressed, which is hard for me to admit. And I desperately need things to change in my life, which is also a hard thing to come to grips with. I also talked about some very happy moments in my life that always make me smile when I think of them. :) There was something very freeing in discussing this, and I feel a release today.

#3 I went back to the gym and had a good 45-minute workout. I haven' been doing that enough lately, especially with sick kids. But it does my soul good, and I'm going back today!

Whatever the case, I woke up with some renewed energy and restored faith this morning.

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