What to do?

I am home today for the second day - trying to work and take care of two sick kiddos. Going back to work with young children and doing so successfully seems almost impossible to me these days. Now that both kids are in different schools, there is always at least one day a week when one or both is either sick or off school. I can already see the effect it has on my work, which is slow to begin with.

The mortgage industry is definitely not what it used to be. I don't see myself making a good income there anymore without 1) gauging people and going against my own principles. 2) working ungodly hours and ditching my kids somewhere when they are sick or unable to go to school. And even if I was willing to compromise on either or both of those things, it still is not going to provide the income that it used to.

A lot of my friends in the industry are getting out altogether, or already have. In my state, we went from 15,000 mortgage originators to 5,000. I think that will continue to go down - and one could say that I could reap the benefits. But there are also so few people who qualify for loans these days that I think more people should probably get out. Half the time I start a loan only to find out that I can't do it for some reason half way through the process (or worse yet, at the end). Usually this is because the value of the home has dropped too far down. I am completely commission based, so if the loan does not fund, I do not get paid.

I am growing tired of all the new regulations. What keeps me in is the flexibility and my clients.

That said, I still need to be able to make a living.

I have been thinking about that a lot lately, and trying to rack my brain for any other ideas. The job market is very bad here (about the worst in the nation). But there has to be something.

I wish I could just raise my kids and not worry about it. But money is always a constant concern.

I wish our society placed more value on raising children well. I don't think there is anything more important than that. But it seems to be a job reserved for the wealthy for the most part. Or in my case, I think we probably could have raised the kids on one income if my husband had continued to work, did not have alcohol & drug problems, and if we had budgeted better from the get-go.

Now we have an enormous budget to tackle every month - and once you have established that, you can't very well go back on most of your commitments. We have cut down, and cut down, and cut down - but there is still a lot to pay every month. If I could go back and do it over again, I would have been more involved in our budget from the get-go. I felt like my husband was making so much money and it was not an issue at the time - and who was I to say anything when I wasn't bringing in the money? Well, now that there isn't as much money, it sure has a lot to do with me, and it effects my stress level enormously.