Monday, November 23, 2009

Family Weekend

The kids and I spent a lot of time with my husband this weekend, which was mostly good. Saturday I had a meeting, so he came and watched the kids after his AA meeting for a few hours. Later that night, I had a chance to go to a concert I really wanted to see with a friend, so he also stayed with them then. He ended up falling asleep with the kids and spent the night. Sunday, we all spent the day together, which was fine until the end.

I was very tired after not sleeping well the night before. I needed a nap, but it never happened. The kids need to be in bed by 7, especially now that they're both sick. I feel like I am constantly hammering this into my husband's head, but he never seems to get it. Same thing when he lived at home and they were both napping. Every weekend, I had to repeat the nap schedule and explain why we needed to do something right then. It frustrates the hell out of me!! My mom always defends him and says he has ADD, but that frustrates me too. If you have ADD, take the flippin' medicine for it!! And, I also go back to blaming my in-laws for giving him alcohol as a child, which I believe screwed up his brain development.

In any case, he rented the most stupid movie I have ever seen (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past) and I told him that before we even opened the case. I was trying to read the NY Times and he kept asking me if I was watching the movie - even after repeatedly telling him that I thought it was stupid. Why does he care if I am watching the movie or not? To me, it seemed controlling. And, who would chose to watch a dumb movie over reading something intellectually stimulating?!

So by 7:30 when the movie was finally over, I was annoyed. My daughter was cranky and she will never sleep until the distraction of her dad leaving is over. I have been through this with him numerous times before as well. He kept saying, "I'm leaving now, I'm leaving now." And I kept thinking, "OK, leave!" Don't tell me five times you are leaving and then stay.

Same thing in the morning. He said, "I'll let you sleep in". But then he kept just staying there and not taking care of the kids. By the time he finally left, I was irritated and hungry and couldn't get back to sleep. I realize it was nice of him to offer and nice of him to be there, but I am with the kids for the most part 24-7, and I never have the possibility of sleeping in, whereas he has complete freedom to do so whenever he pleases since he lives alone. I don't think he gets this.

So back to 7:30 when I was trying to get my daughter to bed...she started arguing with me and saying she didn't want to go to bed. Meanwhile my husband is just fumbling around the house. My daughter ended up falling face-first into the molding on the stairs. She got this huge welt on her head. It starts filling up with blood and turning black. My husband is not a quick thinker with the kids, which also annoys me. I'm sitting there holding her and trying to comfort her, and I'm like, "Get me some ice!" Then I tell him to get me some Tylenol (which I now know I"m not supposed to do after a child hits their head). So he asks me where it is. THE SAME PLACE IT HAS BEEN FOR THE LAST 5 YEARS!! UGHHHHH!

Then he bring out some chewable Tylenol. I was totally losing it because my daughter won't take that. And as her father, it seems like that would be something he would know. But he doesn't. So things are totally escalating between us, and I finally go to get some myself. The Tylenol is in an unopened box so I grab the Ibuprofen. He's like you didn't say Ibuprofen, and I'm like, what's the difference!? She is hurt and screaming and needs something for her pain NOW!!! So we end up getting into a huge fight, with ends with him telling me to "Just stop talking to me."

I told him he never gets to tell me when to stop talking.

I call the doctor to see if I need to bring her in. They run through all her symptoms with me and say no. I learn I shouldn't have given her anything, especially Ibuprofen because that can make her throw up after hitting her head. (She never does). They tell me to put her to sleep with me, but to completely wake her up every 4 hours to make sure she is OK. And to watch her for the next 24 hours and bring her in if she throws up more than twice.

My husband finally leaves and I put both children in bed with me. They are completely wound up and don't end up going to sleep for at least an hour. Once they finally quiet down, my daughter asks me, "Why did daddy tell you to stop talking to him?" My son chimes in that that is never OK to say to someone and we have a conversation about that.

It seems like no matter how great things are, when we argue, we still end up in the same awful spot.

On the way to school this morning I realized how much I have come to depend on my son to help me. Since it's usually just the 3 of us, I am always asking him to help me with things. Had his dad not been there, it would have been him that got me everything. And unlike his dad, he would have been able to do it. I start tearing up. He's not even 7. He's super responsible and and amazing kid, but this is never the life I wanted for him. I didn't want him to have to be super responsible like I was. I wanted him to just be a kid and enjoy his life.

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