Thursday, August 27, 2009

Wedding Anniversary

Today is my wedding anniversary. Like the night before my wedding, I did not sleep much last night.

I kept thinking back to that night, the Rehearsal Dinner, and the sleepless night that followed.

Sometimes as women, we fail to follow our gut, and it kills us.

My father-in-law is the same entitled, ego-maniac that he was then. And that night it came out in full force. And looking back, I wonder, why I failed to respond to that sign and took the easy way out.

The rehearsal dinner was a disaster. My father-in-law started ranting and raving because things were moving too slow for his taste.

If I could do it again, I would immediately ask him to stop when the complaining first started, before it became fervent.

Instead of waiting for my husband or my father (the 2 men sitting at our table of 6) to tell him to SHUT THE FUCK UP, I would have done it myself.

We did not even oppen the Prosecco. My father-in-law wanted to go home. Looking back, we had the money then, and I wish I had told my in-laws to go home and paid the tab myself. I wish I would have stayed and toasted with our guests and enjoyed the evening to the fullest.

The next morning, when my father-in-law called to aplogize, I wish I had not taken his call. Or I wish I had not told him it was OK. His actions have never been OK.

Looking back, I wish I would have seen this night for what it was. A sign of things to come. On some level, I knew that, and that is what kept me up most of the night.

Family is everything to me, and I have a great one. But I should have realize that I could never be happy in this family. Family permeates everything else. And the same bad traits usually come out in your spouse at some point.


  1. Don't be too hard on yourself. HIndsight is always 20/20.

  2. As women we try to think that things aren't as bad as they seem and to hold it together for the cause, be it children, "love", or simply avoiding embarassment.
    It's been a bumpy road, but I have found my voice and sometimes its too loud and sometimes too much, but dammit I found it, that voice squelched by our society. A society of nicities and phony, crafted behavior. I am so glad you have found your voice too, T. Love you.