Rage

There is nothing worse than dropping your kids off somewhere to go to work. Yes, in the past I have enjoyed my work and even felt a pride in it. But now I am just saddened, sickened and disgusted with all that our lives have become.

I just dropped both kids off at camps. I'm sure they will enjoy them, but it is a reminder that my time with them will soon be over, and that my husband did not keep his word to me.

Our finances seem to get worse by the minute. It would be easier to gage them and manage if I ever felt like I was getting the whole story from my husband. We are always just about to make a bunch of money. And yet, it rarely seems to materialize. I think he just tells me what he thinks I want to hear to get me off his back.

I'd rather just know the truth.

The truth is that we are broke. I am in a worse financial position than I've ever been in my life. I would be better off had I never married him. I told him that yesterday and his response was, "FUCK YOU!".

I guess the truth hurts.

All I feel now is overwhelming rage. I need to get to the gym today. I need a long vacation that seems no where in sight. And I keep thinking, I was here, doing everything I was supposed to do. Standing my my relapsing husband when he spent yet another 90+ days in rehab. And the basic response from my husband and his family is FUCK YOU.