The Big Blow to the Head

Several years ago, my father-in-law went to my husband about schooling for our kids. He said that their family had never placed an emphasis on education and he thought it was important for our kids to get a good education. My husband and his brother never finished college, and I’m not sure about my father-in-law. That always seemed crazy to me with their money. My dad scrimped and saved so I could go to school, and I have always been so grateful to him for that experience.

In any case, my father-in-law put the offer out there for two of the best schools in our town. At first I was very excited about it. Then, after spending time with him, and seeing how he was about money, I started having doubts about it. We applied for preschool at one school when he made the offer, but my son didn’t get in. The experience was pretty traumatic for me. Basically anyone telling me my son is not good enough – at 4-years-old – makes me pretty upset!

So in many ways, the school idea was out of my mind for a while. Besides that, my husband relapsed in the midst of everything, so schools weren’t exactly first-and-foremost on my mind. Every day survival was hard enough. Just getting out of bed and taking care of everything in our family that was suddenly on my plate alone was all I could do.

But as my husband got sober again, the topic came up again, and I thought, if our children have this sort of opportunity, who am I to stand in their way?

So, I did everything.

The application process took about 3 months. I had to get teacher evaluations. I interviewed at the schools. My son interviewed for half a day at both schools. I wrote 10-point essays about every aspect of my son’s life. And then I waited by the mail box for a month.

It was a very hard process because we had missed the window. One school let most of their kids in at preschool. The other was kindergarten. We had a child who wanted a slot in first grade, and this was already a very tight competition.

But, my son did get into one school, actually my favorite of the two. He was wait-listed at the other because they did not have room for him. I was beyond ecstatic.

Honestly it felt to me that nothing had been going right in our lives for a very, very long time. At least now there was one thing that we could really be proud of and excited for.

My relationship with my father-in-law had been extremely strained. I had completely stopped talking to him for almost a year. Gradually, we had started talking, little by little. He had even come for dinner twice. I felt like things were perhaps moving in the right direction. My husband told me that he wanted things to be better. I wanted things to be better too.

I made the following post to our family blog:

We got an acceptance letter from "the school" today for J. I am so proud of our boy. He is everything I always knew he would be, and more.

Here is a poem I wrote about J a few years ago.

His blue eyes sparkle like the stars
His love is like the sun
My boy is my heart and my soul
The day you were born my heart sang-
The world stopped.
And everything was different.
My Joey, you are the son, the moons, the stars, the joy, the love, the oath, the hope, the dream and the everything that I always wanted and I always knew would someday
Come.


A few days later, we received an email from my father-in-law. He said he had decided not to pay for the school. It “does not fit my goals for J or your family. It is out of your socio-economic level. I am still willing to pay for a private education at a more middle class neighborhood Catholic or Christian school…”

Well, obviously he has no idea about the application process at any school, because everything starts in November and is due in January. And he is telling us this in mid-March when there are no options available and our deposit is due in two-weeks.

Our resources were extremely tapped by my husband’s relapse, which included him not working for a year. Sending our son to this school will be nearly impossible now.

We had told our son he was going to the best school, one that we had carefully picked out for him with the greatest care and love. He was excited and had told all his friends. We had told all of ours too. I had written thank you notes to his teacher, and to his Taekwondo instructor, thanking them for their roles in his life. I told his Taekwondo instructor, "our success is your success too."
I went back to the poem that I had written and posted. I had graciously taken out one line when I had posted it to our blog.

His blue eyes sparkle like the stars
His love is like the sun
My boy is my heart and my soul
The day you were born my heart sang-
The world stopped.
And everything was different-
At least for me.
My Joey, you are the son, the moons, the stars, the joy, the love, the oath, the hope, the dream and the everything that I always wanted and I always knew would someday
Come.