Secrets

Sometimes I wonder if the secrecy around alcoholism doesn't make it worse.

If it is supposed to be a disease like cancer, why do those who have it have to be anonymous? You don’t have anonymous cancer victims. They tell people they have cancer, and they get help.

When my son talks about his dad being an alcoholic, my husband is uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure my father-in-law is outright angry.

And yet if it is truly a disease, why does it have to be shrouded in secrecy? I wonder if our lives would be easier if all of this were out in the open. If we could say we are struggling.

AA was founded in 1935 and not a lot of the program has changed as far as I know. What has changed about what we know about alcoholism?

Is there still such a stigma associated with it? Is it still necessary for the families of the alcoholic and even the alcoholic to suffer in silence?

It seems like there are two completely separate aspects of my life. The "perfect" life that I have portrayed primarily in the past and on our family blog. And the one I am talking about here on this one, that I mostly kept to myself until last week.

And yet they are all inter-related. They are all one life, woven together, the good and the bad, and the really, really ugly.

If alcoholism were not a big secret, could we find better answers? Could we protect our children better? Could we ensure their own sobriety? Are there ever such assurances?

I think the time has come for us to demand better answers. I am not willing to stand by and wait to see if my children become addicts. I want to know that I am doing the right things now, or at least doing the best I can.

If everything were out in the open, would the alcoholic still treat his or her family the same? I have to wonder. I don't really think so.

I know my husband is almost a completely different person at home than he is out in public. He is happy. Everyone likes him. He is the life of the party.

At home, he is angry, moody, jumpy.

If all were out on the table for everyone to see, would the alcoholic be forced to make better decisions? Would his or her behavior be rendered unacceptable?

When the behavior is unknown, what can really be done about it?

What if we all rose up and refused to be treated this way?

People don't usually understand. They envision a "drunk" on the street - or they make light of it and think he's not that bad - because they are unaware of his true behavior.

People use the term dry drunk as if that explains his behavior or that's some sort of excuse. Who says "dry drunk" behavior should ever be excusable or acceptable?

When we are honest about our own lives, perhaps we give others the opportunity to be honest about their own.