A Poem for my Son

He left us.

And what he stole from you was so profound
I tried to yank it from my own soul and give it to you
But it was not enough;
Not male enough
Not what you yearned so deeply for-
Your dad
Your longing for him now is so painful
Like a slap in my half-assed soul
that was not enough for you-
Even as much as I tried

And I wonder
Will he leave us again?
Will he leave you again?
This half-assed man who calls himself a father?
A two-timed reformed drunkard?

But I do not tell you this.
I tell no one this.

I just smile
And pretend its all working for me
Again.