Sunday, April 26, 2009

Paralyzed by Fear

I had nightmares all night and woke up at 2am with another familiar one. Something was happening to me and I couldn't move or scream. When I lived in Tampa during my Freshman year of college, I was mugged in the middle of the night while on a date. I was completely paralyzed. I was unable to move or even scream for help. If my date hadn't locked my door for me while he was being beat up by 2 men, the other 2 men that were coming for me would have easily gotten to me next. Luckily the police came soon after and they all took off.

Anyway I have been having this dream a lot lately and I realized that it has a lot to do with feeling powerless growing up around my step dad, who was also an alcoholic. And now I have that same feeling again.

I have been on the fence about what to do because my kids are so young but I realized I have to get my finances back into my own hands as quickly as possible, regardless of what I do with my marriage.

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