I have been sick since Saturday, and my son threw up last night, so I'm home with both kids today. I realized today that more than anything else, I have been upset with my husband about our financial situation because I have not had the time with the kids that I want. The happiest times for me are just being with my children. Even if I'm just at home doing the laundry, with them playing in the background - I love their sounds.
Going back to work has been frustrating. It's not the same market it used to be. There are all new rules, regulations and paperwork. And, business is hard to come by. I feel like I am hitting my head against the wall all day, and then I have to come home to the housework, which always seems ahead of me. My time with the kids seems short and rushed. I enjoy my co-workers and my cliens, but I hate my "job".
I also noticed that my husband and I have been getting along better. And mostly I think when I'm nice to him, he reacts nice. When I act angry, he reacts the same way. And vice versa. So I need to pay more attention to that. Because this is a much better way to live.
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I've found that we cycle in similar moods. When she is pissy, then I am generally in a bad mood as well. It must be the codie stuff coming up again.
ReplyDeleteYes, me too...
ReplyDeleteI remember driving home once from a great time with friends.
I was 15 minutes later than I had said I would be. I knew my (then-drinking) husband would be mad. And so I was starting to get mad, in my car, in response.
And then I had this flash of temporary insight, when I realized that I was getting mad because I expected he would be mad... and I didn't even know he was mad, yet!
And so I backed up, and realized that in fact I was feeling happy because I'd just had a nice time with my friends. And I chose to stick with that feeling, instead.
I think it was my first moment of freedom from the family disease of alcoholism.