Saturday, December 5, 2009


My husband now says he wants to take the kids every other weekend. I don't think how he can possibly think that is a serious request. I don't think he actually wants to do this, I think he just knows the kids are my soft spot and he's trying to get to me.

He also said he wants every other Thanksgiving and a week Christmas break and time during the summer.

What does he think he is going to do with the kids? I can't imagine. He has never taken the kids overnight by himself. He spends more time with the kids now than he ever did when we were living together. At least quality time. When he was here in the house, I was the one caring for the kids, not him.

He said if I want a divorce I am going to have to get used to this anyway. I told him he was delusional if he thinks a judge is going to award any sort of custody to a convicted felon, drug addict, alcoholic.

He said, "but I'm in recovery!"

I said, "Yeah, for the moment."

How many times has he relapsed or "Slipped" in the last year alone? He admits to driving drunk with all of us in the car. My husband has rarely been a fall-down drunk. It is very hard for me to tell when he is using. He hides it well. How on earth does he think I would ever put my kids in that situation?

My husband has been drinking since he was 12-years-old, thanks to his wonderful parents who brilliantly gave him alcohol and continued to do so through his teenage years. He started doing drugs a few years after that. How many rehabs is it going to take this 38-year-old to finally get it? Will he ever get it? He's been to rehab twice for a total of over 5 months since we have been together, and it just doesn't seem to take.

Once again, it's threats. And no money or financial support for us while I "disagree" with him. Yeah, that sounds like someone who is just full of sobriety.


  1. The only reasonable thing he could be thinking is that he'll hire a nanny so he can continue to do as he pleases. Not good for the kids.

  2. I am sorry that you have to suffer through this. The pain of your situation is all too familiar to me.

    When I divorced my alcoholic husband I did what made the divorce go most quickly and with the least conflict, which was joint custody. I did this on the assumption that his interest was more in controlling me than in spending time with the children and he would quickly drop to spending little or no time with them. This assumption was correct. I have been divorced several years now and none of the children have been contacted at all by their father in the past two years.

    There were some very difficult times in those first couple of years though. He drove drunk with them in the car. He didn't show up to pick the kids up from school. He rarely had any food in the house.

    I addressed the drunk driving by the driving the kids both ways. When he showed himself to be unreliable to pick them up from school I took all weekdays. To address the lack of food I sent a lunchbag with the kids on their visits and money to to to a nearby store. Even with all this support from my end, his efforts to spend time with the kids waned to nothing in about two years time.

    None of this makes your plight any easier, but I wish you well.