Why aren't you making any money?

Today was my first "official" day back at work all day. Not that I have not been working. I have been. But I have also been taking care of two young children, a house and a husband that apparently doesn't give a fuck about any of us. I have always continued to work, as a mortgage broker, as I have for the last 12 years. I do not make the 6-figure salary I once made, but I have always contributed.

That said, I feel my most important contribution is raising my children. There is no value in that in my husband's family, but to me, that is the highest value.

Today was a difficult day to say the least. Not as difficult as yesterday, but difficult as hell. My daughter hates it when I leave her. She cries and holds on to my legs. I literally have to pick her up and pass her off to someone else so that I can walk out the door while she cries.

My new day will consist of getting up hours before what I would even like to think about and spending an hour-and-a-half driving both children to school before I start work. My husband will never understand what it takes to wake two young children up while it is dark out, get them cleaned up, dressed, fed, lunches packed and out the door on time to make 3 deadlines - 2 school start times, and one for me at work.

Never-the-less, my soon-to-be-ex-husband had the audacity to ask me, "Why aren't you making any money?"

Well, let me explain something.

As a mortgage broker, I get paid on commission. Only commission.

Once I get a call that someone wants a loan, I am lucky if that loan closes within 30-60 days. Then, I get paid on the loan, about half of what the loan fee is, within about a month.

I sent out a letter letting my clients and friends know that I am back to work full-time 2-3 weeks ago.

The reason I am back to work full-time instead of raising these kids like I should and would like to be doing is that my husband is a COMPLETE FUCK UP who quit working entirely for at least a year.

Was I working then?

Yes!

I was working, doing everything around this house, and taking care of our children. And taking care of children that have emotional problems because of their fucked-up alcoholic father is completely different than taking care of children who have 2 parents at home who are functional human beings and both contribute to the relationship.

So I asked my husband, WHY HAVEN'T YOU BEEN MAKING ANY MONEY? YOU HAVE BEEN BACK AT WORK FULL-TIME SINCE JANUARY? (which is how long it took him to get his act together after coming back from 90+ days at Betty Ford and the Caron Center in September for him to go back to work and actually get a paycheck.

And then he said, "I don't want to argue."

Yeah, I bet. Because you have no more excuses for your sorry ass.

Then the pipe burst in our bathroom while the kids were taking their evening bath, and like last time, my husband is NO WHERE to be found. So the hot water squirted into my face and all over the floor and onto the kids. I had to have my 6-year-old-son hold down the faucet so I could put some clothes on and go outside and turn off the water supply to the entire house.

So now we have no water.

And to say I am PISSED OFF tonight, would be an understatement. To say that I still consider my husband the least bit of a man would be like saying pigs fly through my living room at night, smoking heroin and laughing their asses off.