Last night I started thinking of the purpose of this blog, and the purpose of my life really.
I want to raise healthy, addiction-free children.
All of my time and investment is in that. And at times I resent my husband and father-in-law, but I don't want that to cloud my true purpose.
It seems it is more important to them to demonize me and protect their money than to focus on these kids.
Next week, I will go back to work full-time. I have been gradually working towards that these last few weeks, but next week, both kids will be in school for 6-9 hours a day. My mother has once again stepped forward and offered to help in huge ways that I will never be able to repay her for.
It is going to be a huge adjustment for all of us, and at times I feel very sad and bitter about it. I don't want my 3-year-old in school all day. It seems way too young to me. But it seems there is no other option now.
My father-in-law pays my husband (and I believe his brother) more than $2,000 a month through his company just to fund a life insurance policy for him so he won't have to pay estate taxes when he dies. I imagine that's quite a policy. And quite a sum he feels he needs to protect.
I started thinking about that last night, and the fact that my father-in-law flippantly decided he didn't want to pay for my son's $2,000 a month school tuition.
He clearly has different values than me.
And while it does eat at me when I think about it, I really need to resist those moments and focus on my kids.
At the end of the day, if these kids end up with problems, I am always going to wonder what all of us could have done differently.
Hopefully this doesn't piss you off.
ReplyDeleteIf your son is 21 and isn't healthy, is it your fault? If your daughter is 28 and develops an addiction, were you a bad mom? Your husband is a man, not a child. It's his fault alone that he is unhealthy and an addict. Maybe his dad did suck as a parent, but Joe needs to suck it up and take responsibility for his own actions.
Here's the part you might disagree with and I hope you know my intentions are good. You can't control whether you kids are healthy and addiction free. You can teach them. You can be a good role model. You can be a good mom. You can ensure that they have a healthy, addiction free mom. You can't control the path of your children; you can only give them the tools to make good choices and to live life on life's terms.
I want to raise a healthy, addiction free child. But life gives me no guarantees and having lost a sibling to addiction years ago, I've come to accept that he chose his own path. I know that if one of your children or my child becomes unhealthy or an addict it won't be my fault or your fault.
Your goal is noble, but I worry that you are setting yourself up.
Yes, I see your point, and I don't take offense you to - I always appreciate your perspective.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of kids with drug and alcohol problems and their parents did everything right. Your brother was dear to me too, and I will always remember his sweet-natured self. XO
However, that being said, that was not the case for my husband, and I think it has stunted him in many ways. I can think of very little (if anything) his parents did right.
And I married into a family that has generations upon generations of addicts. And you can say that might be genetic, but in this case, I think it is more of an environmental issue.
Yes, he is a man and his choices are his alone at this point. But I don't want the same life for my children that he had growing up and I want to set them up on the best path possible.