Friday, September 25, 2009
Children Model Your Behavior
I was very curious to watch Mackenzie Phillips on Oprah. I have mentioned here that I always DVR her show and watch it later. This show was of particular interest to me because of her family's drug history.
What I took away from it was something I have always thought. CHILDREN MODEL YOUR BEHAVIOR. When you have your children roll your joints for you, what else can they possibly become except drug addicts? When your kids try your cocaine that you leave out in a bowl when they are 11-years-old and you teach your kids how to shoot up at 16, what else can you expect?
I have very similar frustrations with my husband's family, except that his family seems to be surprised by his addiction. In Ms. Phillips case, they seem to be proud of it.
My husband was given beer by his father as a child, and then, surprise, surprise, he became an alcoholic. His mother used to buy him beer as a teenager. The unhealthy behaviors they both modeled are the same behaviors that I now have to deal with.
I have a real problem with all of this. A real problem. Because his addictions have cause me and my children some real grief and there has been no attempt on any of their part to heal any of that.
You don't give children drugs or alcohol. That is also breeding ground for sexual abuse of all kinds to occur.
What surprises me, is their surprise (and anger) at why I don't want my kids around them when they have made no attempts to make any sort of changes. I have told my husband for years if his father wants to see the kids, he needs to get counseling. Has he done it? NO! But 3 times this week, I have been asked about him seeing the kids.
What the hell is that about?
My kids are precious. I am not letting them around just anyone. I did not bring them into this world to be broken by people who have an obvious disregard for life.
Addiction is generational, in my opinion, because no one steps forward to break the cycle. No one says, this is not acceptable.
I was very proud of Ms. Phillips for stepping forward and telling her story. It took courage. I just hope she stays sober. But somehow, this time, I think she will - because she has finally told her truth.