Sexuality

Today was my son's 7th birthday. Once again, it was ruined by my husband, with my son ending up in tears.

My husband decided to bring up a bunch of stuff at my son's birthday dinner about what he imagines my sexual life to be currently.

No thanks to my ex-friend (who is no more or less a "whore" than me), who took it upon herself to supply my soon-to-be-ex-husband with her version of reality.

I only wish I was having as much sex as everyone supposes. Literally, I can think of nothing better.

I am a sexual woman. I always have been. I do not have guilt or shame around that.

I never cheated on my husband while we were together. He did. At least 3 times that I know of, and I'm guessing much more.

But because I am a "woman" there is some bullshit double standard.

And I don't buy into that.

But I also don't think that it is appropriate for him to bring up what he "thinks" I have done - after our relationship is over - in front of our 3- and 7-year-old at our son's birthday dinner.

I have never told my son what my husband did with other women. Why would I??

It has nothing to do with him.

The only aim in that would be to hurt my son. And I would never do that.

Even if I were a "whore", I don't believe that would make me less of a person.

I absolutely do not believe that.

We as woman have intrinsic worth, above and beyond what society labels us. Jesus himself hung out with the prostitutes, which is something "Christians" seem to forget.

I remember as a young girl, my dad's second wife, in a fit of rage, told me that my mother was a whore. I burst into tears. I never got over it until I was in my late twenties. I realized, my mother was no whore. She is the best and kindest woman in the world. I was so sorry I had misjudged her, based on a vindictive and mean-hearted woman. Children are so innocent. God sees that and God makes his own marks.

There is nothing wrong with our sexuality. Nothing. God him/herself created it.

I will not let my son suffer. Perhaps this was a lesson he can learn now - and better for him to learn it now. Women are women. They are not whores or sluts or lesser than any man for having the same sexuality that a man is free to express without question or remark. Our sexuality does not determine who we are as a person.

I took my son aside, held him tight, and told him, YOU KNOW WHO I AM. NEVER FORGET THAT.

Later, my son told my daughter and I, "What daddy called you is something no one should call anyone."

He was right.


This is a poem I wrote when I was 19.

Whoring Lives

You left and suddenly,
you were fucking dad's employee
Wasn't quite appropriate for a Music Minister's wife
Mad, unstable mother -
we lived with dad
Visits were sneaking into a "no kids allowed" shit hole after your lover left you
hiding in the bathroom of a tiny studio inside a cabinet that was of course
empty.
That scrawny, bent-over manager tried to bribe you
with a little fix it all in the bathroom talk

we left.

There was an Albertson's dumpster out back
a new apartment for unwed mothers
digging out donuts bread cereal
you'd feed us Tuesday nights,
our nights.

Finally, your friend came back
pregnant mommy got married
"mommy moo moo"
but you were bigger than a cow,
then.

Years later, I heart your mother, a whore
and the weeping never stopped
2 men and a rape were too much
sleeping around for the pretend-to-be-wife
of a Minister of Music
who was really only a daughter
of an alcoholic and a whore.