Sexuality for the Single Mom

This is a taboo subject unfortately. It's as if once we leave our marriages we are suddently supposed to have no desire left, except to care for our children. The same stigma is not put on a man who has a girlfriend but it is for mothers.

I made some decisions about how I would pursue my sexuality after my husband moved out. I had left a basically sex-less marriage, and I was certain I did not want to waste my sexual prime.

I had toys, lots of them. But that's not the same thing as having a real person. Not even close.

So, I made a commitment to myself that if I had an opportunity, and it was right, I would take it.

By right I mean that I knew the man and his sexual history, we used condoms and my children were in no way involved.

Of course, that often meant sex in bathrooms and cars - and at odd hours of the day...

But I did not want to have a "boyfriend". Coming out of a long relationship that felt stiffling, I did not want anyone else to have any say over me anymore.

I have always had a lot of male friends and I work primarily with men. I had several fun encounters, but not as many as I would have liked over the course of 2 years.

I felt I was being responsible. Afterall, I was putting my children first and I was cautious.

However, I made the mistake of telling one particular friend who took it upon herself to become God after an argument we had. She used the term whore and said I had slept with half our city. I told her I wish.

I thought it would end there, but she also took it upon herself to tell one of my lovers, an old high school sweetheart who I cared deeply for. He did not take the news well, despite our agreement that I would do as I pleased and keep it to myself. He lives in another city and only comes to town once or twice a year.

Then she called my husband, who I was in the process of divorcing.

Mind you, my husband is an alcoholic who brought cocaine into our home and cheated on me numerous times during our marriage. But he is still the father of my children, and this was information he didn't need to have.

To his credit, he didn't use it against me. He said it hurt his feelings and asked a few questions. To which I responded, look, you have your private life and I have mine. It's best to keep some of this stuff to ourselves.

He agreed.

So how do you maintain a fulfilling sexual life as a single mom?

First, I'd advise you to keep it largely to yourself.