My mom brought over a box of old pictures the other day and told me to take what I wanted. We started to look through them together, but there were a lot and my sister and boyfriend were here from out of town, so I told her I would do it later.
In the box was a letter written by my grandpa to my grandma in 1987, which would have been shortly before he died. I told my mom I did not want to read it. I knew it would be heartbreaking.
Today, I pulled the box out and began to look. Half-way through, I found the letter and decided to read it.
It was 8-pages of his handwriting, expressing his dismay over their marriage.
I am very teary-eyed and sad. The letter could have just as easily been my husband writing to me. I have always felt an affinity to my grandmother but this cements it.
I don't know why my mom has the letter or if my grandmother ever received it. I hope she did not. It was the typical alcoholic woe is me letter.
I have always felt that we attract our past and even our ancestry into our own lives in different ways. I know I have repeated many of the same mistakes my parents made - almost like I needed to try it myself anyway.
As a child, I saw my grandma give everything to her family. To this day, she still does. It is so sad to me that my grandpa didn't see that. It makes me wonder if he died feeling sorry for himself, instead of grateful for the life they had.
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