Joint Mediation

We had our first joint mediation session today. It was emotionally draining for me.

I realize I will have to compromise on many things but there is just a lot that is still very hard for me to swallow.

My husband has not been taking the kids during the times that he said he wanted. Today, he asked for more time, including overnights.

He agreed to weekly drug and alcohol testing and so we are going to take a trial run.

I feel like I am truly putting my children in God's hands now, and that's a very hard thing for me to do.

We left the session angry. We both were upset throughout the session, although I think the mediator did a good job of keeping us both grounded. At one point, my husband nearly walked out, but she got him to sit back down and finish the session.

I know this will be tough to get through. All the particulars are emotional - money, who gets what holidays with the children, the safety of the kids with their dad....

My husband called to apologize afterwards, but then asked if he could switch his day with the kids to tomorrow. He said after this week, he will always keep his commitments.

There is no point in arguing anymore. It just is what it is.

After going through this I would say that in almost every case, a divorce is not the way to go. Certainly no one wins.

But in my case, I wish I had done it sooner. With addiction, no one wins whether you are divorced or married. And I feel like the longer I stayed, the more screwed I got.

Staying hurt.

And while this hurts too, at least it will put an end to most of the hurting.

At least that is my hope.