Friday, March 19, 2010


I had a sad night last night. My husband had the kids during the afternoon and when they came home I had been crying. He noticed and asked me about it. I broke down in my husband’s arms and just sobbed.

One thing about J is he gives really good hugs. He is never halfway about it. I usually resist because of where we are at these days, but last night, I just let him hold me and it felt good.

I feel that ultimately, we will be close again and I am happy for that. Life is too short to be left with bitterness. Especially someone you have lived with. Some people pass in and out of your life and you are better or worse without them. But there is always a reason you married someone. There is something about being with someone day-in, day-out. You can take the good with the bad. It’s the same thing with your siblings or parents I think. The over-riding feeling is love. For me, there is no way to ever reverse that.

I didn’t sleep well last night but my day keeps getting better and better. I decided to take a walk in the gorgeous spring sunshine and clear my head. While I was out, the father of my ex-husband’s wife called me and asked what I was doing.

He wanted to have me over with all of them for dinner. I already had plans with my sister and my office, but it was so thoughtful of him to call. It made my day. I kept telling him I had plans and he would say, come anyway! Bring your sister! Bring your office! Just come! We’re making kabobs!

Everything I have learned about happiness, I learned from the Lebanese. I think it was in my nature as a child to be sad. But there was always a part of me that loved to be silly and laugh. After being around the Lebanese and spending time in Lebanon especially, I saw that many of these people have every reason to sit around and be sad. But they don’t. They laugh, they tease, they eat, they sing – they enjoy their lives.

My first husband especially taught me to push out whatever was not helping me and pull in that which was. Whenever I come to him with a problem, he almost always says, who cares! He always gets me to see that in the scheme of things, my life is bigger than my small problem at that moment. And then, he laughs – and usually, so do I.

No comments:

Post a Comment