Wednesday, July 28, 2010


There have been a lot of things on my mind lately. I think I feel a heavy weight on me from dealing with the constant texting and calls from my ex. It is very exhausting. I don't think he hears what he writes or says. I don't think he hears me when I do bother to respond, so I rarely do. Yesterday was a better day between us, but I feel still we need some distance.

He seems to think that because he is paying alimony and child support, he is entitled to know every detail of my life and to harp on the past. He constantly questions me about things that are none of his business, and then accuses me of lying.

He texted me yesterday about how if I am such a strong, independent, feminist woman then I should be happy to take care of everything myself.

I told him, being a feminist, especially in Islam, is about knowing your worth as a woman and a mother. It is knowing your rights and believing that you are entitled to them. There is no holier profession in Islam than being a mother. And mothers are expected to be taken care of, so that they can meet the needs of their children.

I regret that I am still dependent on him. That was my mistake. I believed someone who I had no right to believe. I chose my kids instead of my own independence. That's a hard thing to swallow, but I am still glad I chose my kids. I can't imagine what would happen to them if I had not been here for them during this time. You build a solid foundation for your children when they are young. If you don't, there is no way to rebuild it later.

I believe women can work and take care of children well if they have a good partner. This still would not be my first choice, but I know many women who do it well. When there is no partner, working to support a family and meeting all their physical, emotional and spiritual needs is nearly impossible. I think we often blame the woman or the mother in this instance. But there is no blame - for them - here. At least as far as I'm concerned. We need better fathers. We need men to be partners in the household and family.

My ex has been nagging me about my lack of income and his support of me. He does not think I am grateful enough to him.

To me, that is like carelessly killing a young child and being required to pay the parents for their loss - and then expecting them to be grateful to you.

What is there to be grateful for? Can anything make up for the loss of a child? Can someone's destructiveness with the lives of others ever be atoned for? Certainly not financially.

When you ruin something, you repair it, at your own cost, whatever that may be. You don't ask for gratitude. You beg for forgiveness.

How dare he even ask for gratitude.

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